My New Life

It's amazing to me that I haven't written on this wall since my physical birthday. Better yet, I'm finally writing on my spiritual birthday. Today is just too significant a day in my life to NOT write. I can't let it go by without doing something profound, something important, something that will last past the few hours we call November 21st.

Nine years ago I found myself sitting in a little white chapel in Canton, Texas, listening to a man tell the story of his life.......which was also the story of MY life. God arranged this meeting, this moment in time, to change my life forever; to change my destination forever; to give me hope; to give me peace; to give me life. Words cannot express what God did for me that day. All I know is that only GOD knew my inward state and only GOD could do something about it. God loved me enough to do just that.

It amazes me that as fresh as those memories are of that night, that moment when I KNEW I must be born again, I'm still prone to wander; not for long and not very far, but still, my will does not always line up with the God I love. I get distracted, complacent, idol. Yes! In all this busyness of my current state, I find myself idol when it comes to the important stuff. What an embarrassing yet refreshing things to admit.

BUT the winds of change are stirring! I do find myself coming to a new resolve. A resolve to read more, know more, believe more, BE more. I am a debtor and the only thing for me to do in trust and obey. May we each find our strength in the Only One who can help us keep such a resolve as that! May Jesus Christ be praised!

"O to Grace how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, O take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above."

March 13th - Knowing God at Lake Mary

Every time I make a point of getting away from it all, going for a walk, observing nature, I find fresh ideas, clearer thoughts, deeper waters for my mind to explore. It's in those moments that I truly understand what God means and why He says, "Be still and know that I am God."

In my hurried day, I often find myself not fully embracing what God is clearly saying in this verse. I want to check things off:

1. Be still. - ok, I will, soon.
2. Know that I am God - I do KNOW that He is God.

And therein lies my problem. The KNOWING God only comes from BEING STILL! I am to be still..............and in this stillness, I will know that He is God. Every time I get away, alone, to somewhere quiet, I KNOW that He is God. I know it!

I look at people today and realize why it is so hard for some to come to the Lord. I understand why so many question even God's existence. God gives the revelation, but only under the right conditions. For, you see, we cannot KNOW anything until we have put our focus on the thing/person we are to know. People are distracted from the important stuff by all the material stuff around them. I'm thankful God has His ways of dealing with that!

This afternoon, I went for a long walk, enjoying the clear blue sky and temperate climate of Lake Mary in early Spring. After walking for awhile, listening several times to Casting Crowns sing "O Glorious Day," I found myself at the edge of a little lake and decided to sit for a spell. I took the headphones off, wanting to enjoy the quietness and peacefulness of the moment. Just like every other time, God joined me on the bench, opening my eyes to the beauty all around, whispering words of truth to me. I watched the white ibises balancing on one leg, enjoying the shade of an oak tree. I heard the ducks frolicking in the water on the other side of the dock. And, as clear as a bell, my mind remembered Jesus' timely words in Matthew 6, Behold the fowls of the air.........Consider the lilies of the field..........Therefore take no thought...........But seek ye FIRST the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness. God has set my priorities, and I always like His results!

One more look at the lake before I part. The sun is glistening so brightly off the water I have to turn away, reminding me of the glory of the Lord and how I can't look upon Him now, but one day I will! The rustling of the leaves brings pleasure to my senses, and I remember the Holy Spirit will do the same. This is the FIRST thing I want to do every day, be alone with God. Of course, there are challenges every day, but if I keep my priorities straight, everyone else will reap the reward. So, now, back to the eventful life of husband and boys with a refreshed soul and a desire to return soon to this place of rest.

For the Sake of the Children

It has been a whole year to the day (yesterday) since I started this blog. I look at the sub-heading "Moments to Share. Treasures to Find," and I still feel happy at the thought. Today is a great day to start another year of blogging. God has been working in my heart and mind for several months, and I feel that He is finally getting somewhere! Maybe you know the feeling.

I have spent the today and this evening with Sally Clarkson, a godly woman, mother, wife, with a heart and a message for mothers - your "Mom heart" matters! I love that because that is exactly what God has been teaching me. I am called by God to be a godly mother, and if you have children, you are called to do the same. But what does that mean? What does that look like? How do I get there? Sally said it best tonight, one step at a time.

Long ago I memorized these verses, and I've often come back to them as a guide and even a restarting place for my walk with the Lord. Romans 12:1-2 says, "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God." Above anything else, the renewing of (my) mind always stands out to me. If I don't do this early in the morning, before anyone else is up and about, needing my attention, it just doesn't happen. This is the first place I'm going to start....I have to MAKE SURE this happens. It really is up to me, but I also know that if I ask God to help me, He will, because he wants to spend time with me, too! How sweet is that!

Sally talks about how she makes this time special. She plans to MEET with God. She gets up early, prepares a cup of tea, lights a candle, and sits in her favorite spot to read God's word and pray. I like that plan, for reading God's word should not be done as one more thing to check of my list for the day. It should be my most important meeting of the day; and appointment I cannot miss and do not want to miss. I hope you feel the same.

The second passage of scripture that Sally focused on tonight was Deuteronomy 6:1-9. It is a long passage, but I want to write it out for you so if is easy for you to read and mediate on for a few minutes.

Deuteronomy 6:1-9

"Now these are the commandments, the statutes, and the judments, which the Lord your God commanded to teach you, that ye might do them in the land whither ye go to possess it. That thou mightest fear the Lord thy God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments, which I command thee, thou, and thy son, and thy son's son, all the days of thy life; and that thy days may be prolonged. Hear therefore, O Israel, and observe to do it; that it may be well with thee, and that ye may increase mightily, as the Lord God of thy fathers hath promised thee, in the land that floweth with milk and honey. Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord: and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates."

As Sally said, "God is not just a thought to be known or a rule to be followed." He is our Father, who loves us, and wants to have a relationship with us. A relationship requires time.

Hebrews 11:6 tells us that without faith it is impossible to please God. If I were to ask you if you wanted to please God, most of you would say YES! Well, according to God's word, faith is the ONLY way to do it. After studying the book of Hebrews and the lives of some of the patriachs of our faith, my husband came up with a good working definition of faith: 1) God speaks, 2) I listen, and 3)I obey completely, no matter what. That's what God is looking for from you and me. Not just for our sake, but for the sake of our children, may the Lord find us faithful in doing what He has already told us to do.

But What Do the Scriptures Say?

I have been overwhelmed lately with how rare it is for Christians to actually know what the Bible says. We know what we 'believe' Christianity to be, what we have heard, or what we think, but what does the Bible actually SAY? We have become illiterate.........wait! Not illiterate, for we do know HOW to read! If we were illiterate we could have an excuse. But we are without excuse! For we can read, but choose not to. What a shame.

Of course, there are some Christians that do read the Bible, but even of these, many do not comprehend and apply God's truth. The reading is just another notch in their totem poles to 'God'. Just like totem poles of old, the totem poles of these Christians have nothing to do with God, or should I say, He has nothing to do with them! The scriptures do teach us that the Holy Spirit will teach us all things, so why do so many 'Christians' not understand and practice what they read? After all, the scriptures also tell us that if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (II Corinthians 5:17) I'll leave that for you to consider and figure out.

Please don't think I am ranting to tell you or anyone else off. This ranting is for me. For you see, as I have been forced to see other people's lack of real knowledge of God's Word, I have also come to find that many of these same so called 'Christians', when presented with the truth of God's Word, do not care! And, as if this is not enough to leave my mouth gapping, my mind spinning, and my heart aching, God reveals and even more disturbing truth.......I'm carving out a similar boat to float my life in. What does Paul say? "For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I." (Romans 7:15)

I want to be like Christ, but a lot is going to have to change in me before progress can be made. I've been thinking the answer is faith, and yes, real faith (obeying God's word no matter what) is vital, but God's word says there is something even greater than faith! I recently set out to memorize I Corinthians 13:4-5. If you have been a Christian for awhile, you know right away that this is the 'love chapter.' Below is a portion of this chapter that has been on my heart and mind. This kind of love will fix a lot of what ails us. I want to love like this and with God's transforming power, I will:

Love is patient,
Love is kind
And is not jealous;
Love does not brag
And is not arrogant,
Does not act unbecomingly;
It does not seek its own,
Is not provoked,
Does not take into account a wrong suffered,
Does not rejoice in unrighteousness,
But rejoices with the truth;
Bears all things,
Believes all things,
Hopes all things,
Endures all things.
Love never fails......
But now faith, hope, love abide these three;
But the greatest of these is love.
(NASB)

Thoughts from Walden Pond

I have always dreamed of visiting New England. When my husband and I planned our long-awaited trip, I could hardly wait. The thought of visiting places like Plymouth, Boston, and the historic home of the first American Patriots overwhelmed me. My imagination was not disappointed with reality!

We did indeed visit Plymouth, Massachusetts. We saw the Plymouth Rock, gazed across the water at Cape Cod, experienced the icy cold air of a December morning, and ate some of the best clam chowder I've ever tasted! The experience was quite satisfying.

Later that same day we visited Boston. It is a beautiful city, the modern growth has not crowded out the historical sites, but merely highlighted them in a wonderful blend of the old with the new. We walked the Freedom Trail, which on a warmer, sunny day, I would have enjoyed quite a bit, but in the bitter cold evening air, I found the walk mostly daunting. I'm glad we have pictures to remind me of what we saw along the way.

The next day, my hubby had planned to visit Concord, where the Revolutionary War began with "The Shot Heard Around the World." I was going along for the ride, not very interested in spending the day in the chilling air again, happy to enjoy the view from the car. This trip was for my husband, or so we thought.

We drove through the lovely town of Concord, finally arriving at the Visitor Center for the North Bridge. It was  a lovely place, so I ventured out to get a closer look. While waiting for the boys to come out of the restrooms, I started to read the plaques of information around the entrance hall. Much to my surprise, I found myself reading about American writers such as Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Louisa May Alcott. I remembered reading some of their works in college, and immediately, felt delighted and even privileged to be there. Not that I agree with much of what they wrote, but one thing I do find fascinating and even true, the need to have a simpler life and focus on what really matters.

That is what Walden Pond means to me. It was a reminder to be still, but not just still, but still, knowing that God is there waiting for me to be still so He can talk to me. Still so I can let go of what does not matter. Still so I can give God my full attention. Stillness. Oh, how my heart longs for quiet, peaceful, unbusy days. Days to be still and know the presence  and  power of the Lord.

It is such a shame when you read about these authors, what they wrote, what they "believed." They were given the perfect setting and opportunity to get it right, but they were deceived, even distracted by what they where looking at. They were also disheartened by a legacy gone bad. For many of these writers had a distant heritage of Christianity that was lost, or worse, distorted along the way. If only these people had had the privilege of a truly Godly heritage passed on to them, what would New England be like today?

Unfortunately, as we traveled around New England, I did see the legacy left by Christians gone astray. But the hand print of God is still in that land for all to see. He is still there waiting for anyone who is willing to be still and see the salvation of the Lord. I am privileged to have been there and to have left with a little bit of Walden Pond in my heart.

Through the Eyes of a Chiild

I always find it interesting to hear what my kids think. This time of year is full of memories of Christmases past. Memories of what my kids have felt and thought about Christmas.

Some of the funniest memories I have are of my son, Damian Jr. When he was maybe 3 years old he got up on Christmas Eve, saw the wrapped gifts under the tree, and decided to unwrap them all! When I discovered him, I made him help me wrap them again, explaining that he couldn't open them until morning. Well, sure enough, he woke up before everyone, and (you guested it) unwrapped all the presents again! Once more, I discovered my little cherub sitting in a pile of ripped wrapping paper. I quickly wrapped the gifts once more, just in time for our family gathering and the official unwrapping. Every Christmas Damian still has a hard time waiting until morning, but he has learned the importance of waiting.

The next year, my husband was talking to Damian Jr. about the real meaning of Christmas. Of course, every year Damian had heard the Christmas story, about the shepherds and angels, Mary and Joseph, and Jesus' birth. Dad was reminding Damian that THAT is what Christmas is all about. Without missing a beat, Damian Jr replied, "No it's not! It's about the presents!"

These memories came flooding back as I walked around Wal-Mart with Dakota last week. We had been delayed by a flat tire which was being repaired in the tire center. I had already determined that just because I found myself in Wal-Mart didn't mean I had to buy anything. So we walked around, waiting for our van. Dakota would look at this and look at that. Finally, he found a Spiderman watch that he really wanted. I told him that we were not going to buy anything today, but maybe he would get it for Christmas. To that he replied, "No, Mommy. Wal-Mart is not for wishing. Wal-Mart is for buying!" It was in that moment that a spark was lit for a simpler kind of Christmas.

It is so easy to let Christmas become about the stuff. On this eve of December, the beginning of the busiest month of the year, I am planning to make this Christmas about more than the stuff. I want this Christmas to be about the GOOD STUFF......Jesus, loving Him, and my family.

A Day I Will Never Forget

November 21, 2002. It was a Thursday. We were in Canton, Texas. We were at a supporting church for a revival meeting that night. That night, God Almighty got ahold of my heart. That night, everything became clear to me. That night, I finally repented of my sin and received what God had been wanting to give me for years. That night, my life, future, destination, relationship changed forever. That night, God forgave me and took me in as His forever. Hallelujah!!!

Maybe you have never heard how I became a REAL Christian. So today, on my birthday, I want to share with you my story.

I was raised in a Christian home. My parents were not only Sunday morning church goers - they went every time the doors were open. In June 1972, John R. Rice came to preach a revival at our church in Gainesville, Florida. It was a very exciting time for everyone. Services were every night for a whole week. My parents sang in the choir each night as my brother and I sat on the front row, with an unobstructed view of Rev. Rice.

If you have ever heard of John R. Rice or had the privilege of hearing his preaching, you would know what HELL, FIRE, AND BRIMSTONE preaching was all about! He could bring it down! And for a five year old girl listening to his powerful preaching, I could not bare the thought of going to Hell. So, one night, I went forward, our pastor's mother prayed with me, and afterwards we all thought I had gotten saved.

The only problem was, I didn't really understand, or should I say, recognize the fact that I was a sinner. Oh, I had been told what the Bible says. I had even read it for myself. But you see, I have a younger brother. A younger brother who was often in trouble. I could SEE that he was a sinner, but me? No, I didn't see that at all.  I knew it in my head, but that knowledge never rang true in my heart.

As I grew up, I thought that I was a Christian, and so did my family and church friends. I was a pleaser, and I knew a lot about the Bible, so that helped to carry on the illusion, not just for others, but for me, as well. We are very good at deceiving ourselves!

As a teenager, I wandered away from church and the way I had been raised. After I had my daughter, Dana, in March 1988, I got back in church, wanting to raise Dana as I had been raised. I knew things hadn't been right, but I never quite let myself explore the possibility that I was not a real Christian. I knew HOW to be a Christian, so I just got right back to it.

Things seemed to be going good until July 1995, when I got married. Soon after that, my life seemed to be spiraling out of control. Emotionally, I was a wreck. Submitting to someone else's authority was almost more than I could take, especially when I thought I knew more. Some of the hardest days of my life were in that first few years of marriage, yet, I still ignored the now obvious problem, my own heart.

BUT GOD!

God had a plan, and when God put it into motion, there was no stopping it! My new direction started in September 2000, when my husband told me that he believed God was calling him to be a missionary in England. He was scared to tell me at first, but I readily said ok. You see, I KNEW something was missing in my life. Something wasn't right. It didn't matter how much I read my Bible, how much I prayed, how good I tried to be at whatever it was I was doing.......nothing gave me real peace, real joy, real satisfaction in life. So, when Damian said, "Missionary," I thought, "That's it! I haven't been doing what God wants me to do!" I had no idea at the time how very true that was and how much harder things were about to get!

We were approved with the Baptist Bible Fellowship in September 2001. We started traveling full-time together as a family that next January (2002). There is NOTHING like being stuck in a van with your husband and children nearly 24/7, especially when you are not at peace with God! God was getting my attention.

Day in and day out, God was working in my life:  1) to show me who He really is, 2) to show me who I really was, and 3) to get me to the place were I could do nothing else but surrender.

When the time was right, (August 2002) God arranged for me to have a life-changing conversation with an older, godly woman. She casually told me the story of when she received Jesus Christ as her Savior (the day she graduated from Bible college!). I was shocked and pierced through all at the same time. That was the day God showed me that I was not born-again.

Of course, God knows us so well, and He knew me! My stubbornness would not allow me to just accept that thought, that feeling, that truth. So, I fought it. I fought hard for three months! During that three months, I meet a missionary, pastor, pastor's wife, a Sunday school teacher, all giving testimony of how they became real Christians AFTER being in the ministry. Again, this shocked me and shook me to my core, but I would not concede.

Then, God opened my eyes in a very sad and humbling way. On Wednesday night, November 20, 2002, we were at another church in Texas. The pastor asked me to tell my story of being a single mom who made it through and now being a missionary going to England. Afterwards, that pastor told the congregation that I was a 'Champion of Women.' When I heard those words, I wept. I knew that praise and honor was not due to me. My life should point to Jesus Christ, for He alone is worthy.

The next night, we drove to Canton, Texas, to attend a revival meeting at a little country church. We were late, so we just slipped in the back. Right after that, a man got up to sing, but before he sang, he asked the congregation if they raised their kids on good food? He said he was raised on a wonderful diet........of God's word, church services, Godly music, and a loving family, but that good diet wasn't enough to saved him. He proceeded to tell his story, and it was as if he was telling mine! I sat there stunned my the mirror I was looking into, stunned that after all these years of religion, that's all it ever was. I was lost, and for the first time, I really knew it!

Tears welled up in my eyes, my knuckles growing white as I gripped the pew in front of me, determined not to let go. The final invitation came and went, and I did not move a muscle. I was mad at myself, mad at God. But God had me. Once the music stopped and the people started to move, I collapsed into a heap on the bench. Like it or not, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was lost and had to surrender. After talking to my husband and the man that gave 'my' testimony, I finally surrendered to the One and Only Everlasting, Almighty God. I admitted that I AM A SINNER! I cannot save myself! I BELIEVE with all my heart that Jesus Christ was God in the flesh who died on the cross, was buried three days, and rose again to provide forgiveness of my sin so I can have a REAL relationship with God in Heaven.

To this day, do you know what I remember the most? I remember finally having PEACE! Peace like I never had before! That night and many times since, some people who knew me before this have had a hard time with the fact that I wasn't a real Christian before. I can understand that. But, the truth of the matter is that before I was just religious (and I was good at it!). Now I am a child of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! I have peace and joy like I NEVER had before! I am so thankful for a real God, that loves us enough to show us who we are so He can give us all He is!

Philippians 3:13-14 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.