November 21, 2002. It was a Thursday. We were in Canton, Texas. We were at a supporting church for a revival meeting that night. That night, God Almighty got ahold of my heart. That night, everything became clear to me. That night, I finally repented of my sin and received what God had been wanting to give me for years. That night, my life, future, destination, relationship changed forever. That night, God forgave me and took me in as His forever. Hallelujah!!!
Maybe you have never heard how I became a REAL Christian. So today, on my birthday, I want to share with you my story.
I was raised in a Christian home. My parents were not only Sunday morning church goers - they went every time the doors were open. In June 1972, John R. Rice came to preach a revival at our church in Gainesville, Florida. It was a very exciting time for everyone. Services were every night for a whole week. My parents sang in the choir each night as my brother and I sat on the front row, with an unobstructed view of Rev. Rice.
If you have ever heard of John R. Rice or had the privilege of hearing his preaching, you would know what HELL, FIRE, AND BRIMSTONE preaching was all about! He could bring it down! And for a five year old girl listening to his powerful preaching, I could not bare the thought of going to Hell. So, one night, I went forward, our pastor's mother prayed with me, and afterwards we all thought I had gotten saved.
The only problem was, I didn't really understand, or should I say, recognize the fact that I was a sinner. Oh, I had been told what the Bible says. I had even read it for myself. But you see, I have a younger brother. A younger brother who was often in trouble. I could SEE that he was a sinner, but me? No, I didn't see that at all. I knew it in my head, but that knowledge never rang true in my heart.
As I grew up, I thought that I was a Christian, and so did my family and church friends. I was a pleaser, and I knew a lot about the Bible, so that helped to carry on the illusion, not just for others, but for me, as well. We are very good at deceiving ourselves!
As a teenager, I wandered away from church and the way I had been raised. After I had my daughter, Dana, in March 1988, I got back in church, wanting to raise Dana as I had been raised. I knew things hadn't been right, but I never quite let myself explore the possibility that I was not a real Christian. I knew HOW to be a Christian, so I just got right back to it.
Things seemed to be going good until July 1995, when I got married. Soon after that, my life seemed to be spiraling out of control. Emotionally, I was a wreck. Submitting to someone else's authority was almost more than I could take, especially when I thought I knew more. Some of the hardest days of my life were in that first few years of marriage, yet, I still ignored the now obvious problem, my own heart.
BUT GOD!
God had a plan, and when God put it into motion, there was no stopping it! My new direction started in September 2000, when my husband told me that he believed God was calling him to be a missionary in England. He was scared to tell me at first, but I readily said ok. You see, I KNEW something was missing in my life. Something wasn't right. It didn't matter how much I read my Bible, how much I prayed, how good I tried to be at whatever it was I was doing.......nothing gave me real peace, real joy, real satisfaction in life. So, when Damian said, "Missionary," I thought, "That's it! I haven't been doing what God wants me to do!" I had no idea at the time how very true that was and how much harder things were about to get!
We were approved with the Baptist Bible Fellowship in September 2001. We started traveling full-time together as a family that next January (2002). There is NOTHING like being stuck in a van with your husband and children nearly 24/7, especially when you are not at peace with God! God was getting my attention.
Day in and day out, God was working in my life: 1) to show me who He really is, 2) to show me who I really was, and 3) to get me to the place were I could do nothing else but surrender.
When the time was right, (August 2002) God arranged for me to have a life-changing conversation with an older, godly woman. She casually told me the story of when she received Jesus Christ as her Savior (the day she graduated from Bible college!). I was shocked and pierced through all at the same time. That was the day God showed me that I was not born-again.
Of course, God knows us so well, and He knew me! My stubbornness would not allow me to just accept that thought, that feeling, that truth. So, I fought it. I fought hard for three months! During that three months, I meet a missionary, pastor, pastor's wife, a Sunday school teacher, all giving testimony of how they became real Christians AFTER being in the ministry. Again, this shocked me and shook me to my core, but I would not concede.
Then, God opened my eyes in a very sad and humbling way. On Wednesday night, November 20, 2002, we were at another church in Texas. The pastor asked me to tell my story of being a single mom who made it through and now being a missionary going to England. Afterwards, that pastor told the congregation that I was a 'Champion of Women.' When I heard those words, I wept. I knew that praise and honor was not due to me. My life should point to Jesus Christ, for He alone is worthy.
The next night, we drove to Canton, Texas, to attend a revival meeting at a little country church. We were late, so we just slipped in the back. Right after that, a man got up to sing, but before he sang, he asked the congregation if they raised their kids on good food? He said he was raised on a wonderful diet........of God's word, church services, Godly music, and a loving family, but that good diet wasn't enough to saved him. He proceeded to tell his story, and it was as if he was telling mine! I sat there stunned my the mirror I was looking into, stunned that after all these years of religion, that's all it ever was. I was lost, and for the first time, I really knew it!
Tears welled up in my eyes, my knuckles growing white as I gripped the pew in front of me, determined not to let go. The final invitation came and went, and I did not move a muscle. I was mad at myself, mad at God. But God had me. Once the music stopped and the people started to move, I collapsed into a heap on the bench. Like it or not, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was lost and had to surrender. After talking to my husband and the man that gave 'my' testimony, I finally surrendered to the One and Only Everlasting, Almighty God. I admitted that I AM A SINNER! I cannot save myself! I BELIEVE with all my heart that Jesus Christ was God in the flesh who died on the cross, was buried three days, and rose again to provide forgiveness of my sin so I can have a REAL relationship with God in Heaven.
To this day, do you know what I remember the most? I remember finally having PEACE! Peace like I never had before! That night and many times since, some people who knew me before this have had a hard time with the fact that I wasn't a real Christian before. I can understand that. But, the truth of the matter is that before I was just religious (and I was good at it!). Now I am a child of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! I have peace and joy like I NEVER had before! I am so thankful for a real God, that loves us enough to show us who we are so He can give us all He is!
Philippians 3:13-14 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
