Thoughts from Walden Pond

I have always dreamed of visiting New England. When my husband and I planned our long-awaited trip, I could hardly wait. The thought of visiting places like Plymouth, Boston, and the historic home of the first American Patriots overwhelmed me. My imagination was not disappointed with reality!

We did indeed visit Plymouth, Massachusetts. We saw the Plymouth Rock, gazed across the water at Cape Cod, experienced the icy cold air of a December morning, and ate some of the best clam chowder I've ever tasted! The experience was quite satisfying.

Later that same day we visited Boston. It is a beautiful city, the modern growth has not crowded out the historical sites, but merely highlighted them in a wonderful blend of the old with the new. We walked the Freedom Trail, which on a warmer, sunny day, I would have enjoyed quite a bit, but in the bitter cold evening air, I found the walk mostly daunting. I'm glad we have pictures to remind me of what we saw along the way.

The next day, my hubby had planned to visit Concord, where the Revolutionary War began with "The Shot Heard Around the World." I was going along for the ride, not very interested in spending the day in the chilling air again, happy to enjoy the view from the car. This trip was for my husband, or so we thought.

We drove through the lovely town of Concord, finally arriving at the Visitor Center for the North Bridge. It was  a lovely place, so I ventured out to get a closer look. While waiting for the boys to come out of the restrooms, I started to read the plaques of information around the entrance hall. Much to my surprise, I found myself reading about American writers such as Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Louisa May Alcott. I remembered reading some of their works in college, and immediately, felt delighted and even privileged to be there. Not that I agree with much of what they wrote, but one thing I do find fascinating and even true, the need to have a simpler life and focus on what really matters.

That is what Walden Pond means to me. It was a reminder to be still, but not just still, but still, knowing that God is there waiting for me to be still so He can talk to me. Still so I can let go of what does not matter. Still so I can give God my full attention. Stillness. Oh, how my heart longs for quiet, peaceful, unbusy days. Days to be still and know the presence  and  power of the Lord.

It is such a shame when you read about these authors, what they wrote, what they "believed." They were given the perfect setting and opportunity to get it right, but they were deceived, even distracted by what they where looking at. They were also disheartened by a legacy gone bad. For many of these writers had a distant heritage of Christianity that was lost, or worse, distorted along the way. If only these people had had the privilege of a truly Godly heritage passed on to them, what would New England be like today?

Unfortunately, as we traveled around New England, I did see the legacy left by Christians gone astray. But the hand print of God is still in that land for all to see. He is still there waiting for anyone who is willing to be still and see the salvation of the Lord. I am privileged to have been there and to have left with a little bit of Walden Pond in my heart.

Through the Eyes of a Chiild

I always find it interesting to hear what my kids think. This time of year is full of memories of Christmases past. Memories of what my kids have felt and thought about Christmas.

Some of the funniest memories I have are of my son, Damian Jr. When he was maybe 3 years old he got up on Christmas Eve, saw the wrapped gifts under the tree, and decided to unwrap them all! When I discovered him, I made him help me wrap them again, explaining that he couldn't open them until morning. Well, sure enough, he woke up before everyone, and (you guested it) unwrapped all the presents again! Once more, I discovered my little cherub sitting in a pile of ripped wrapping paper. I quickly wrapped the gifts once more, just in time for our family gathering and the official unwrapping. Every Christmas Damian still has a hard time waiting until morning, but he has learned the importance of waiting.

The next year, my husband was talking to Damian Jr. about the real meaning of Christmas. Of course, every year Damian had heard the Christmas story, about the shepherds and angels, Mary and Joseph, and Jesus' birth. Dad was reminding Damian that THAT is what Christmas is all about. Without missing a beat, Damian Jr replied, "No it's not! It's about the presents!"

These memories came flooding back as I walked around Wal-Mart with Dakota last week. We had been delayed by a flat tire which was being repaired in the tire center. I had already determined that just because I found myself in Wal-Mart didn't mean I had to buy anything. So we walked around, waiting for our van. Dakota would look at this and look at that. Finally, he found a Spiderman watch that he really wanted. I told him that we were not going to buy anything today, but maybe he would get it for Christmas. To that he replied, "No, Mommy. Wal-Mart is not for wishing. Wal-Mart is for buying!" It was in that moment that a spark was lit for a simpler kind of Christmas.

It is so easy to let Christmas become about the stuff. On this eve of December, the beginning of the busiest month of the year, I am planning to make this Christmas about more than the stuff. I want this Christmas to be about the GOOD STUFF......Jesus, loving Him, and my family.

A Day I Will Never Forget

November 21, 2002. It was a Thursday. We were in Canton, Texas. We were at a supporting church for a revival meeting that night. That night, God Almighty got ahold of my heart. That night, everything became clear to me. That night, I finally repented of my sin and received what God had been wanting to give me for years. That night, my life, future, destination, relationship changed forever. That night, God forgave me and took me in as His forever. Hallelujah!!!

Maybe you have never heard how I became a REAL Christian. So today, on my birthday, I want to share with you my story.

I was raised in a Christian home. My parents were not only Sunday morning church goers - they went every time the doors were open. In June 1972, John R. Rice came to preach a revival at our church in Gainesville, Florida. It was a very exciting time for everyone. Services were every night for a whole week. My parents sang in the choir each night as my brother and I sat on the front row, with an unobstructed view of Rev. Rice.

If you have ever heard of John R. Rice or had the privilege of hearing his preaching, you would know what HELL, FIRE, AND BRIMSTONE preaching was all about! He could bring it down! And for a five year old girl listening to his powerful preaching, I could not bare the thought of going to Hell. So, one night, I went forward, our pastor's mother prayed with me, and afterwards we all thought I had gotten saved.

The only problem was, I didn't really understand, or should I say, recognize the fact that I was a sinner. Oh, I had been told what the Bible says. I had even read it for myself. But you see, I have a younger brother. A younger brother who was often in trouble. I could SEE that he was a sinner, but me? No, I didn't see that at all.  I knew it in my head, but that knowledge never rang true in my heart.

As I grew up, I thought that I was a Christian, and so did my family and church friends. I was a pleaser, and I knew a lot about the Bible, so that helped to carry on the illusion, not just for others, but for me, as well. We are very good at deceiving ourselves!

As a teenager, I wandered away from church and the way I had been raised. After I had my daughter, Dana, in March 1988, I got back in church, wanting to raise Dana as I had been raised. I knew things hadn't been right, but I never quite let myself explore the possibility that I was not a real Christian. I knew HOW to be a Christian, so I just got right back to it.

Things seemed to be going good until July 1995, when I got married. Soon after that, my life seemed to be spiraling out of control. Emotionally, I was a wreck. Submitting to someone else's authority was almost more than I could take, especially when I thought I knew more. Some of the hardest days of my life were in that first few years of marriage, yet, I still ignored the now obvious problem, my own heart.

BUT GOD!

God had a plan, and when God put it into motion, there was no stopping it! My new direction started in September 2000, when my husband told me that he believed God was calling him to be a missionary in England. He was scared to tell me at first, but I readily said ok. You see, I KNEW something was missing in my life. Something wasn't right. It didn't matter how much I read my Bible, how much I prayed, how good I tried to be at whatever it was I was doing.......nothing gave me real peace, real joy, real satisfaction in life. So, when Damian said, "Missionary," I thought, "That's it! I haven't been doing what God wants me to do!" I had no idea at the time how very true that was and how much harder things were about to get!

We were approved with the Baptist Bible Fellowship in September 2001. We started traveling full-time together as a family that next January (2002). There is NOTHING like being stuck in a van with your husband and children nearly 24/7, especially when you are not at peace with God! God was getting my attention.

Day in and day out, God was working in my life:  1) to show me who He really is, 2) to show me who I really was, and 3) to get me to the place were I could do nothing else but surrender.

When the time was right, (August 2002) God arranged for me to have a life-changing conversation with an older, godly woman. She casually told me the story of when she received Jesus Christ as her Savior (the day she graduated from Bible college!). I was shocked and pierced through all at the same time. That was the day God showed me that I was not born-again.

Of course, God knows us so well, and He knew me! My stubbornness would not allow me to just accept that thought, that feeling, that truth. So, I fought it. I fought hard for three months! During that three months, I meet a missionary, pastor, pastor's wife, a Sunday school teacher, all giving testimony of how they became real Christians AFTER being in the ministry. Again, this shocked me and shook me to my core, but I would not concede.

Then, God opened my eyes in a very sad and humbling way. On Wednesday night, November 20, 2002, we were at another church in Texas. The pastor asked me to tell my story of being a single mom who made it through and now being a missionary going to England. Afterwards, that pastor told the congregation that I was a 'Champion of Women.' When I heard those words, I wept. I knew that praise and honor was not due to me. My life should point to Jesus Christ, for He alone is worthy.

The next night, we drove to Canton, Texas, to attend a revival meeting at a little country church. We were late, so we just slipped in the back. Right after that, a man got up to sing, but before he sang, he asked the congregation if they raised their kids on good food? He said he was raised on a wonderful diet........of God's word, church services, Godly music, and a loving family, but that good diet wasn't enough to saved him. He proceeded to tell his story, and it was as if he was telling mine! I sat there stunned my the mirror I was looking into, stunned that after all these years of religion, that's all it ever was. I was lost, and for the first time, I really knew it!

Tears welled up in my eyes, my knuckles growing white as I gripped the pew in front of me, determined not to let go. The final invitation came and went, and I did not move a muscle. I was mad at myself, mad at God. But God had me. Once the music stopped and the people started to move, I collapsed into a heap on the bench. Like it or not, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was lost and had to surrender. After talking to my husband and the man that gave 'my' testimony, I finally surrendered to the One and Only Everlasting, Almighty God. I admitted that I AM A SINNER! I cannot save myself! I BELIEVE with all my heart that Jesus Christ was God in the flesh who died on the cross, was buried three days, and rose again to provide forgiveness of my sin so I can have a REAL relationship with God in Heaven.

To this day, do you know what I remember the most? I remember finally having PEACE! Peace like I never had before! That night and many times since, some people who knew me before this have had a hard time with the fact that I wasn't a real Christian before. I can understand that. But, the truth of the matter is that before I was just religious (and I was good at it!). Now I am a child of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! I have peace and joy like I NEVER had before! I am so thankful for a real God, that loves us enough to show us who we are so He can give us all He is!

Philippians 3:13-14 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

With Every Season Comes Time for Change

We drove 800 miles yesterday, from Dallas, Texas, to Nashville, Tennessee.  I was reminded again of what a beautiful country America is.  This time of year is especially nice.  As we drove northeast, we enjoyed the temperature dropping just a little and notice the gradual change in the leaves.  Autumn is definitely here!

October 1st is always a special day for me. October is my favorite month with many of my favorite things: cooler weather, Autumn colors, harvest time, all this announcing that Thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner. I'm also reminded to slow down and enjoy the change of seasons.

As we got to our hotel last night, I was eager to get to bed, tired after many hours on the road. But once everyone had settled down into their beds, I was compelled to read. I grabbed my Bible and reading light, snuggling down for a little read before I fell off to sleep.

At first, I just looked through my Bible, reading the passages I had highlighted over the years.  I like to look at the things that have been important to me in times past and see what I think of them today.  I found myself in the book of Joel. As I looked over those passages highlighted in green, I couldn't remember when I had read there and marked those words, but I found it appropriate for the mood I was in.

I looked at the introduction to Joel.  It says, "Joel is a highly emotional prophecy, rich in imagery and vivid descriptions." Sounds like a good story to me.  So I began to read.  I read until I got to the highlighted passage in chapter 2.  Then, as I read those words again, they had a different meaning to me.  So, I decided to share them with you today.

Joel 2:12-13 says, "Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting and with weeping, and with mourning: And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God: for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth Him of the evil."

As I read those verses, I thought, what a good time to quiet myself, turn to the Lord FULLY, and KNOW that he is gracious, merciful, slow to anger, kind, and forgiving. With all the BUSYness of my life right now and probably yours, too, it is good to be still and remember who He is and enjoy the blessing of His character and His presence.

The Law of Kindness

Last Saturday I had the opportunity to participate in a Living Proof Simulcast. I must say that I was very disappointed, even distracted by the 'worship music,' but Beth Moore is still Beth Moore, and I enjoyed her teaching very much.

The topic she spoke on is very interesting to me, especially since it has come to my attention quite a few times over the last couple of weeks. Our verse for the day was Proverbs 31:26, "She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness." From that verse we explored eight 'tastes of biblical kindness.' I found this to be both encouraging and challenging, and I hope it is for you, as well.

I have been acutely aware of the fact that we live in a self-centered, uncaring world. I've noticed it in public places while watching parents interact with their children. I've noticed it in my own children and the way they interact with each other.  I've noticed it in myself, especially when I am tired or feel like I've had enough. I've even witnessed it in the church and the way Christians respond to people in need. We are no longer people prone to words of kindness, let alone acts of kindness.

These are the thoughts I had as Beth proceed to tell why she felt this was a worthy topic for today. "Why should we study this?" She asked. First of all, because we live in a mean world. Just one look around, and we can each see that this is true. II Timothy 3 tells us it is only going to get worse. Secondly, because the scripture says, "She openeth her mouth!" Women are going to talk! One thing Beth pointed out is the fact that we are published authors: blogging, facebooking, texting, commenting.... all this done without an editor!  We need the Holy Spirit to be our editor. Oh, how I know this to be true.

So, our first taste of biblical kindness is this: Kindness is NOT weakness. In Luke 6:35-36, Jesus tells us to love our enemies, to do good to those who don't even appreciate it. It definitely takes a lot of strength to do that! Beth explained the difference between being NICE and being KIND. Nice is when you act towards others without knowing everything there is to know. Kindness is being fully aware of a person's ingratitude, unthankfulness, evil ways, and still making a conscious decision to be kind.

Taste #2 - Kindness is NOT an action. It's a disposition. It's not what we do so much as who we are. This is the kindness that is a fruit of the spirit, found in Galatians 5:22-23. Real biblical kindness cannot be faked. It must be who we are.

Taste #3 - Kindness wears down when you do. Isn't that the truth! Daniel 7:25. Satan wants to wear us down.  When you get to the point of losing it, at first it blesses your flesh. Then things only get worse. What's the answer? Matthew 11:28-30. Jesus says come unto Him all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and HE will give you rest. True rest can only come from the Lord. We also need to be built up! We need to have a couple of close Christian friends to help build us up. People we can be honest with, be accountable to, receive encouragement from (Ephesians 4:12,16, 29). We need the body of Christ to build us up! We need to do it for others and let them do it for us.

Taste #4 - Kindness looks pain in the face. We are surrounded by people in pain. It is often easier to look away. Kindness means not looking away, but looking people in the face and listening. This one really got me. You see, just a couple of days ago I found myself in the laundromat, doing my weekly routine. I noticed an older woman resting her head on a counter nearby. I had been there for over an hour, but never saw her doing any laundry. The more I watched her the more I was overwhelmed with the desire to talk to her and hear her story, but I also knew that I could not help her financially. Just as that thought was passing through my mind, I remembered the disciples saying to a man, "Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I you." With that, I knew I had to talk to her. And that is exactly what I did. With tears in my eyes, I told her that I couldn't leave without talking to her. She was quite willing to tell me about herself, how over the last couple of years, after some unfortunate events in her life, she found herself homeless, living from shelter to shelter, struggling to get/keep a job. She finally had a job, and just needed to make it another eight days until she got her first pay check. She didn't asking for any handouts. She wouldn't even let me buy her lunch. She was just so glad that someone actually cared enough to talk to her. I explained to her who I was and proceeded to give her the Gospel. Tears welled up in her eyes as I spoke. She said she had become a Christian at the age of  20 but had wandered away from the Lord. As we departed, I prayed with her and said I hoped we wound see each other again soon. I wish I had the courage to do that more often.

Taste #5 - Kindness is a Saviour. God does not call us to save others but to introduce them to the Saviour, Jesus Christ. He has saved us, not just from Hell but from ourselves.  Jesus was kindness in the flesh, and that's what we need to be to others. Real kindness is telling others about the Lord, no matter how hard it might be.

Taste #6 - Kindness has good memory. Psalm 106:7. The Israelites often forgot the goodness of God. We need to have good memory of what the Lord had done for us.

Taste #7 - Kindness craves an outlet. II Samuel 9:1. David, once the shepherd boy, now as king, is looking for someone to show kindness to. Why? Because he knows the kindness of God! Just like David, we need to look for opportunities to show kindness to those who need it.

Taste #8 - Kindness leaves a legacy. Acts 28:1-2. The natives of Malta showed unusual kindness to Paul and his crew after they were shipwrecked. Even today, a survey showed that 83% of the people of Malta give to charities. These people have a legacy of kindness that continues on today. How much more should God's people pass on this kind of legacy to their children. What kind of legacy am I passing down? This is the question I was left with, and this is the question I leave with you. May we show kindness to someone today.

Happy New Day!

When I logged on this morning I noticed that I had only written two summer lessons.  I knew I had a top three list of things I learned this summer, and yet I thought I had written the important things down.  As I reread my last blog, I realized that I had written about two in one - my children and homeschooling.  Of course, it does make sense that those two go together, but in my 'ranting' I didn't realize how much I had covered!  Now I've learned something else, it's good to write!  It's good to look back, remembering where you've been.  It's good to see that you are not standing still..........and not going backwards!

After the day and night I just had, I'm thankful for a new morning.  A chance to do what I didn't do yesterday. A chance to focus on the right things. A chance to enjoy my children more. A chance to love a little more, play a little more, talk a little more. I'm going to make the most of whatever the Lord gives me today.

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Summer Lesson #2 - Me and My Children

I've always wanted children, and now that I have them, I love them very much.  I'd have more children if I could (and believe me, I've tried!).  From the moment I'm aware of their existence inside me, I can hardly wait to see their little faces and hold them close in my arms.  Each child is a new and exciting experience.  Pregnancies are different, births are different, and personalities are quite readily apparent, and yes, different.

My children are spread out in age (22, 13, 5). So, as I've ages and grown both spiritually and in maturity, they  have each been raised a little differently, too. This has become painfully apparent to me, thus I feel the need to expound/confess my thoughts on how I've raised my children before I express my new attitude, understand, freedom, and joy at this point in my parenthood.

My parenting style with my daughter was established in my twenties.  I was single, independent, and selfish.  Don't get me wrong, I believe I raised her well, but a lot of the decisions I made were for the wrong reason.  Of course, I wasn't a real Christian then, either.  Can you image being raised by someone who thought they were a Christian, were the only way they could prove their Christianity was through having the perfect 'Christian' child? Perfectly behaved, perfectly smart, perfectly raised in what she thought was the Christian way.  I didn't know that was what I was doing, but it was nonetheless. I did a good job at that, too.  Just ask my daughter - with a hint of bitterness, she can give you a list of the do's and don'ts of growing up with her perfectionist, over-zealous, strict,  misguided mother. (Those are my words, not hers!)  Praise God, we have a good relationship today, and she is still in church, desiring to serve the Lord. Hopefully, she will be able to distinguish between the good and the bad of her childhood before her own children come along.  Like it or not, how we are raised does have an impact on the kind of parents we become.

This brings me to my boys.  My thirteen year old was born at the beginning of my 30s.  Married and a little more settled, this should have been a good time for a child.  Unfortunately, I still was not a real Christian.  Life was chaotic and out-of-focus for me.  We were very involved in church and the Christian school, me still striving to be the right kind of Christian mother, without the power within. It wasn't until I recognized my deficiency and surrendered completely to God, that I could see more clearly and things started to change for my family and me.

Now I'm in my forties.  I'm a child of God, desiring to raise my children for the Lord, to love the Lord, to serve the Lord.  My youngest is only five, and I look forward to completely home-education him!  I've desired to raise my children for the Lord, but without a REAL relationship with God, it was doomed. Now, I find this to be an exciting yet challenging task.  For so long, without realizing it, my focus has been on worldly standards.  Whether you homeschool or not, you have heard the world's view and questioning of homeschooling your children - the quality of education, the need for socialization, the concern of sheltering children from the 'real' world.  "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"  That is how those questions use to make me feel.  Of course, you know how it turned out in the Wizard of Oz.  There are worse things to worry about that lions and tigers and bears!

I am so thankful for the advancements in homeschooling and my discover (by way of other wonderful, Christian homeschoolers God has brought across my path) of good curriculum, books, and magazines to help and support our desire to raise our children for the Lord.  This summer I have spent some time reading, and one particle article opened my eyes again to the truth of God's word.

The beautiful Psalms that so many know and love start off quite profoundly with this verse, "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scournful." Psalm 1:1.  This verse alone in good enough reason for me not to send my God-give children to public school.  I know that's just one verse.  I could site others, but why?  God put that one verse there; we should take heed.  I'm taking heed.

At the same time that I rediscovered this verse, our church bulletin likewise had a quote of great profoundness that captured my attention: "I am much afraid that schools will prove to be the great gates of hell unless they diligently labor in explaining the Holy Scriptures and engrave them in the hearts of youth. I advise no one to place his child where the Scriptures do not reign paramount.  Every institution in which men are not increasingly occupied with the Word of God must become corrupt." Martin Luther wrote this of his time - I wonder what he would say to our public and many Christian school today?!

As I start this school year, I am more resolved  than ever that homeschooling is right for me and my kids.  I have no desire for someone else to spend more waking hours with my children than I do, teaching them, influencing them, disciplining them, ignoring them.  I can provide a good, solid education for my children - ensuring that they get the Biblical perspective, not the world's misinterpretation of the world we live in - and I can personalize it to meet my child's needs. I love that!

And socializing.........that is funny!  My daughter and her husband have a sign on their bookshelf that says something like this - school prepares you for the real world which also stinks.  I personally do not know anyone that would go back to high school if they had the chance.  Why would you?  It not like an episode of Glee or High School Music I, II, or III!  For most, it is a heart-wrenching experience of trying to fit in and be accepted by other people who are doing the same thing and making up their own rules of acceptance as they go along. A matter of fact, many parents have told me that they wish they could home school so they didn't have to witness the pain their children experience.  You know what I say to that.......

Recently, I read a Facebook post by a friend's teenage daughter that is homeschooled.  She commented on the fact that many people ask her silly questions once they know she doesn't go to "real school."  A discussion among several people ensued, mostly mother's that homeschool and why they do it.  The comment was made about homeschooling sheltering children from the real world.  The overwhelming concensus was that that is EXACTLY what we want to do!  Children aren't children for long.  They are only young and impressionable for a short period of time.  The last thing we should want to do is expose them to what the world says is the 'real world.'  For Christians, this world is not the real world.  Our real world must be our relationship with God and His Word.  Children, Christian or not, spending hours upon hours in public schools, will be influenced by this ungodly world in their thinking and probably in their actions and life choices, as well.  It is a rare student that can come above this.

Now that I'm on my rant, their is one more thing that I've heard people say that I believe is actually another example of how the Devil uses God's word to deceive Christians who, for lack of understanding their roll as parents, fall into this trap, resulting in the undermining of the good foundation that may have been set.  Some Christian parents have told me that our children need to go to public school to be 'salt and light' to a lost world.  That sounds good on the surface, but in reality, our children need to first grow in the nurture and admonition of the Word of God before they are thrust into the position of being the minority Christian in an anti-Christian world.   There is so much more I could say about this, but I'll leave you to think about it for yourself.

Needless to say, my eyes have been opened to the importance of taking on the education of my children.  It is the right thing to do, for them and for me.  My biggest obstacle is me.  I must daily take time with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.  I need to be corrected and taught  myself before I can impart anything of value to my children.  What is the most important thing for a child/teenager to learn?  Against popular belief, it is NOT the three R's.  If my kids are going to be prepared to live in the 'real world', to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and mind, they need to know that the 'real world' is a world where Jesus Christ reigns supreme.  For without Him, we can do nothing!

I close with the complete thought of Franklin D. Roosevelt that I partially quoted early.  I hope you are inspired to press on and raise your God-given children for the Lord no matter what opposition you face.

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." Franklin D. Roosevelt

Summer Lesson #1 - What To do? What to do?

The one thing I've missed the most while living in England has been my mother.  Except for two years of my life, my mother has always been close by.  I have enjoyed dropping by my mother's house for a chat and a short visit, having holidays together, birthdays, special things at church and school.  My oldest child knows the pleasure of living close to Grandma, sleeping at Grandma's, reading with Grandma, just being with Grandma.  So, when I knew we would be coming back to the States for an extended period of time, I had great expectations of our time with my mom.  I even put off having my five year old read his first sentence with me, anxious for him to do that with Grandma like my other two children had done.

In April we packed our bags for our year long journey, sad to leave our home and friends in England, but thrilled to reunite with family and friends in America.  I especially was excited because I had been preparing a party for my mother's 80th birthday.  I couldn't wait to celebrate and honor my precious mom.

My mother was also thrilled about our return, but she did try to warn me of the chaotic situation she found herself in.  I thought I understood, but words cannot always express and reveal what eyes can see!

Needless to say, my mother had not been doing well.  I came home to find her quite ill, needing my help and attention.  We did have her birthday celebrating, and just in time.  For just a few days later, my mother was in the hospital.  This was the beginning of weeks of recovery from viruses and ill health.  The good thing about all of this is that I was free to spend most of the summer with my mom, which is exactly what we both needed.  My mom needed someone who was willing and able to do what she could not.  I needed to see what was going on with my mom and try to fix it.  And try to fix it I did!

My mom was in and out of the hospital a couple of times during the summer, getting stronger all the time.  I was so glad to see her improving, yet still concerned about what to do.  Things were getting better but we weren't getting all the answers we needed, and other situations with family were not getting resolved either - situations that are a source of great mental stress for my mom.

What to do?  What to do?  I was plagued with this thinking day and night.  I prayed and prayed for God to show us the answer, to work things out quickly, to heal my mom.  I could find nothing else to do, and this really bothered me.

I don't know when or how it happened, but one day, I woke up and realized there was nothing for me to do!  Nothing.  This is just the way it is. I've done all I can do.  The doctors are doing all they can do.  The rest are choices that people have made and have to live with.  I may not like it, but this is the way it is.  This single thought set my eyes on a whole new truth - we are all individuals (even my mom!) with our own choices to make, and with these choices come the reality they bring.  I knew this, but it is different when you apply it to your own mother and family.

Finally, I realized that I had been asking God for a lot but not really depending on Him for His answer.  I wanted my own answer.  My attention had been on the problem, the situation, the circumstances.  Now God was finally getting my full attention.  I was ready to see things His way.  It's funny to me now, because before this point, I thought I WAS seeing things God way!  My own vision had been clouded by what I could see with my eyes, making it impossible for me to see it any other way.

At this same time, my mother was getting independent again, driving herself around, knowing what she wanted to do and doing it.  I missed her dependence on me but was glad she was getting back to her old self again.  This is who my mom is: independent, stubborn, capable.  Eventually, she told me what to do:  leave with my family.  Her permission to leave was all that was left for me to set my sights on my own family again.

Through this time with my mom, God has opened my eyes to the fact that my mom is NOT my responsibility.  I am to love her, help her, support her, pray for her.  I cannot make decisions for her, choices for her, or choose the outcome of those choices.  That is up to God.

God has called me and my family to a special life that requires my separation from the rest of my family, at least physically.  I don't always like it, but I know that I am where God wants me to be.  I know that my earthly home is in England, not where my mother is.  I know there are things I must do in order to get back to England, and that is what we are doing.

I know that I am more than a daughter.  I am a wife.  I am a mother of my own children.  And above all else, I am a child of God who needs to listen and obey her Father.  I am blessed with a mother who understands this and pushes me in that direction, even if she doesn't necessary like where that takes me.

So, today I am thankful.  Thankful for a loving and independent mom, thankful for a patient and loving husband, thankful for children to raise to know the Lord, and thankful for a God who can open my eyes to my limitations and to His limitlessness.  God is more than willing and capable of taking care of my mother, and I'm  now willing to let Him do it.

Eyes to See

I am finally back after a three month hiatus. Not that I needed a break.  It's just that I couldn't write.  I had nothing to say, at least not of any value to you, my friends. I found myself in a strange place, not wanting to say anything more than what I could write on a Facebook post. Now that the fog has cleared, I find that I have learned some things, lots of things, these past twelve weeks.

Let's first go back to the mystery of the key!  I can't believe I never told you the outcome!  I apologize for leaving you hanging. Of course, we did find the key, and thinking back, I'd say that THAT experience was the beginning of my summer lessons from God.

Many people had searched the church and parking lot looking for that key.  Many eyes had peered through the tented windows of the van hoping to discover it's hiding place. Yet, no one could see it.  It took the eyes of a child to see what no one else could see.

As we stood outside the church waiting for the locksmith, my 13 year old son cupped his face to the glass and shouted, "I found the key!"  The key was on the floor of the back seat waiting to be found.  Of course, once we knew where to look, it was easy for all to see, and with seeing came great relief.  Was the problem solved?  Not quite.  But we now had hope and confidence that things would be just fine.

If you recall from my original post, I was confident beforehand that things would work out fine.  Did I know what the outcome would be? No.  But I still had peace in this otherwise frustrating situation.

As I thought about this seemingly minor event in my life, I realized that I could learn something from it.  I wanted to have eyes to see.  I know that I can have peace in the midst of the storm. I get that, but I want to see and understand, too. (Don't we all?!) As the summer went on, God did open my eyes to some important things about being a daughter of an ageing mother, being a mom willing and able to take on the responsibility of teaching her children, being the mother of an adult, how to be at home without a house, and the fragileness of relationships neglected, not nurtured. Like everything else, learning is continual, but God and I have made some good headway in these areas. Over this weekend (I promise!) I will share with you the things that God has opened my eyes to and the new peace I have.  In the meantime, I'm praying that you, my friends, will have peace in your storm and eyes to see HIM!

I Peter 5:7  Casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.

The Sunny Side of Lost

Last night 'we' lost the key to our rented minivan.  I say 'we' because I don't want to cast blame on anyone in particular, but I know it wasn't 'me!' :)  Anyway, after searching the church building, pews, hymnal holders, bathrooms, and car park, we went back to the place we are staying, vanless.  Normally, I might find this to be quite annoying, but not today.

You see, last night, my husband preached a message on faith - what faith is, and what faith is not.  Of course, according to his definition, waiting for God to reveal where the key is does not count as faith, for faith, as demonstrated by the patriarchs of our Faith, is God speaking, us listening and obeying completely.  I totally agree with that definition.  So, I am not going to say I have FAITH that God will show us were the key is.  However, I do believe God and that God is who He says He is, therefore, since God is all-knowing, He must know where that key is! So, right now, I feel like I'm involved in a big game of hide and seek.  God didn't hide the key, but He does know where it's at.  I'm hoping and even praying that He will reveal it to us today.

I mentioned the message last night because one of the points of the message was about being right where God wants you to be then bad things happening.  Now, losing a key is not the end of the world, but it is an inconvenience, especially when the vehicle doesn't belong to you.  I could think of a lot worse things to happen, so right now I am appreciating this being our 'bad thing.'  Now the question is, how do we handle this?  Of course, the sensible thing would be to solve the problem.  No key, so get another key - problem solved.  My hubby, like most men, likes to fix the problem.  So his immediate impulse was to work on getting another key at midnight last night.  My inclination, on the other hand, was to wait.  Wait until morning. Wait until the light of day has a chance to show us what we could not see in the dark.  My husband, the problem-solver, didn't want to wait, but I think out of frustration, exhausting, and lack of will to fight, he agreed to wait with me.  He was waiting until morning...........I was waiting on God.

Now, this might sound a little hokey, but I do have my reasons.  You see, just a couple of weeks ago, this same key was once again missing! Our 13 year old needed to get some things out of the van so he could spend the night with a friend. So, while my hubby and I took our Sunday afternoon nap, our teenager used the key to get his belongings, then headed out.  An hour or so later, we get up, dressed, and ready to leave for church, when we realize that the key had not been returned to it's original spot!  Of course, we couldn't reach anyone by phone, so the hunt was on.  As we searched the house, I remembered something I had dreamed during my nap........I had dreamed that my husband told our son to put the key in the trunk(boot) of the van.  As the thought came to me, I knew my husband would never say that. So, I didn't even mention it to him, but out of curiosity, I had to go look for myself. As I walked to the van, I thought 'this is crazy, but I hope it's there!'  Sure enough, the door was unlocked, and there, in the middle of the floor, was the single key to the van!  I had a good little chuckle as I walked back into the house and told the tale to my husband.  He thought I was nuts but was so glad to have the key.

Last night, as we searched again for this lonely key, I tried really hard to remember if I had dreamed anything else that would reveal it's location!  I had not, but I was reminded that God knew where it was.  So, in an hour or so, I'll be heading back to church, anticipating God's revelation to us.  I don't know what's going to happen.  All I do know is that I've enjoyed this mishap.  It has made me think about the attributes of my God, the fact that He cares about the details of my life, and He is who He says HE is, no matter what.

'

Our Homes: Heaven on Earth?

AARRGGGHHH!  My little green patch has turned brown from neglect!  I hope my dear friends and readers haven't given up on me yet!

It's a good thing I didn't have high expectations for my time in Florida, for I have been busy in so many ways. Just getting from place to place takes so much more time than I remember! I miss my little patch on this green Earth! My heart longs for England, my home, my church, and my family there. It's amazing what a change in activities will do for your perspective!

Over the past few weeks, my time has been consumed with clearing out, sorting out, and packing up stuff in my mother's house.  Things my mother has been unable to do have finally been taken care of.  To get the job done, a good friend of my mother's came for two weeks, giving her time, energy, wisdom, and humor to the task. She left me with a wonderful thought that I want to shout to the world.........

IT WON'T BE IN HEAVEN!

You might read that line and think, "Well, of course not! You can't take it with you!"  But these words became so important to me as we looked at everything that was cluttering my mother's life because it might be needed some day.  It soon became clear what was really important: freedom for the Spirit of God to have access to our physical dwelling place!

Have you ever been somewhere - a church, someone's home, a special bookstore, a lonely hill, and thought, "I can feel the peace of God here."  That is what I long for in my life: to have places to escape the chaos of the world, and enjoy the peace and presence of the Lord.

Please don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying God is not with me in the chaos;  I know God can be with me wherever I go. However, I don't always FEEL His presence.  As Nancy and I reclaimed my mother's house from the chaos it had been, these are the thoughts that occupied my mind.  I kept thinking of heaven on earth.

I image heaven as a clean, bright, orderly paradise; a place of peace, and joy; a place where everything has it's place, and the people are the most important 'things' there.  Nothing overshadows God and his children - for our relationship with Him is His focus.  That's what I want for my mom: heaven on earth.  We haven't gotten there yet, but it is much better.  Order has returned, and with it, a place to sit, to be still and KNOW that HE is God, that He is there, and that He cares.

Sometimes the task looks too much to handle.  Sometimes it's hard to even know where to start.  But, like it has been said many times before, the important thing is to start.  Don't look at the problem, no matter what it might be!  Look at the answer and work towards that end.  Every step in that direction in the right step to take!  We are now moving in the right direction, and it has been worth every minute of every day to get there!

What's On My Mind......

Yeah know, change can be a really hard thing.  There's nothing like uprooting yourself, your kids, your life, to go live in another country for a year.  No matter how you try to plan and prepare, nothing can prepare you for the reality of your feelings, your new living conditions, and leaving your 'other life' behind.

When I was a teenager I learned a song that has been playing in my head for the last few weeks.  This is how it goes:

This world is not my home, I'm just a passin' through.

My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.

The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door,

And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

Oh Lord, you know, I have no friend like You!

If Heaven's not my home, then Lord, what would I do?

The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door,

And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

My life is in You, Lord, my strength in you in, Lord, my hope is in you Lord, in You, it's in You.......in You!

Now I have a new song!  I hope God has given you a song to get you through the day.  Praise ye the Lord!

He's an On-Time God, Yes, He Is!

Last Wednesday, I left England to spend a year in America.  Little did I realize on that day, how good God was being to me.  I had stayed up all night, trying to accomplish what I could not.  When the hour for our departure arrived, I was not ready.  An hour later, we left our house for the three hour drive to the airport.  I was exhausted and discouraged with my lack of success in doing all that I desperately wanted to do.  The drive to the airport was long, but I was able to sleep, escaping the flood of emotions I was feeling.

Upon arriving at the airport, we unloaded the van, said our final tearful goodbyes, and headed off on our adventure.  Of course, I focused on the lasts.....my last sunrise, last inhale of English air, my last time saying 'I'm cold' upon walking outside.  Outside, the skies were grey, matching my mood.  Inside, it was quiet, almost peaceful, just what I needed.  My husband and I verbalized our thankfulness to having no lines on checking in, no lines going through security, and no problems finding a place for us to sit together while waiting at our gate.  You would have thought something major had already happened with the lack of chaos at Heathrow.

Things only got better as we embarked.  We noticed lots of empty seats, or I should say rows.  My husband inquired about the situation and found that there were 80 open seats!  How exciting!  As soon as the doors were closed, we were able to spread out, my husband and older son getting a row of seats at the bulkhead all to themselves.  My five year old and I settled down in our own row, ready for a nice nap.

The ten-hour flight was as good as could be expected.  I got a little sleep, watched a show or two, ate some decent food, and arrived safe and sound, and on time.  We easily reclaimed our baggage and made our way to the nearby hotel for a shower and much needed sleep.

Things couldn't have gone any smoother.  It wasn't until the next day that I found out the biggest blessing of all!  Shortly after our flight left England, a volcano erupted in Iceland.  By Thursday morning (less than 24 hours after we left), all flights leaving England had been cancelled due to the ash.  Flights didn't leave England for several days.  Upon hearing this news, I rejoiced at what God had done for me!  I can't image how I would have felt if our flight had been cancelled, with no promise of when we could fly.  I honestly believe that God delivered me from the effects of that unfortunate event, and for that I and truly thankful!  Praise God for His wonderful blessings.......especially the ones we don't even realize!  I am thankful for a God who works for my good, whether I know it or not.  He is always there, He always cares, He always does what is best for me!

The Goodbyes Begin

Yesterday was the official beginning of the end for me.
We gave our gerbils away.

I still remember the day we got them. It was Christmas 2007. Dana was here with Ray, soon to be engaged. The boys had been given Christmas money, and Damian Jr. decided he wanted an indoor pet. So gerbils it was.

At our local pet store you can purchase 'new' gerbils or adopt some that were brought back for a donation.  We decided to adopt and picked four little grey brothers.  They were so cute!  Damian named them after the characters in the Hobbit. We set them up in the boys' bedroom. Of course, that didn't last long since gerbils are noctural!

The care of the gerbils, cleaning of the cage was the sole responsibility of Damian and me. That was always the best time to hold them and watch them play. This became our little ritual almost every week.  Occasionally, a gerbil would escape the playground and run for it! Even that was fun, trying to catch the gerbil before he tumbled down the stairs! There were no major incidents until the next summer.

Every summer, Damian Jr. goes away for a week of camp. Before he left, we cleaned out the cage, making my only responsibility to keep them fed until his return. I did just that. Everyday I'd go check on them.  I always saw little grey things running around, coming out for food. Everything seemed fine to me.  When Damian came home, he looked at his gerbils and said, why are there only three?  I had no idea what he was talking about. Opening the cage, we discovered that one of the gerbils had died in a tunnel accident!  I felt so bad!

After a little mourning, Damian moved on, even changing their names to the Three Musketeers!  Little did I know that their names would continue to change!

As time went on, I found myself more and more being the only caregiver. Sometimes I was ok with this.  Other times, I was ready to give them away!  A few months ago, I discussed this with Damian.  He confessed that he had grown bored with the gerbils and didn't want them any more. When Dakota heard this, he immediately said, 'I want them!' And indeed, I knew he did. He had become my new little helper! Those poor gerbils had more playtime than they wanted, I'm sure. When asked what their names were, Dak simply said, 'Damian, Chris, and Steve!' Those are names with great meaning for him:  Damian, his brother and all-time hero, Steve, our youth pastor and Dak's  favourite sitter, and Chris, our music director and Dakota's favourite play thing!

Things, again, were going fine.  I myself was tired of the extra bit of work of caring for these little creatures, but it was always worth it when I saw the joy on Dakota's face.  He really loved those gerbils.

As the time for our departure drew near, I started asking around to find a new home for them. With only a few weeks left, I felt confident that another family would have the privilege of watching and caring for our pets. Then, one Sunday evening, my husband told me that another gerbil had died. I knew this time that he had just perished, for I had seen all three of them that morning. Now, old age was setting in, and I wondered if in fact anyone else would even want them.

Fortunately, my friend did still want them for however long they have left.  We gave the cage one last clean, and took the gerbils to their new home and family yesterday.  The children were so excited!  When my friend asked what their names are, I told them the story of the changing names, suggesting that they come up with names of their own.  They happily agreed.  Now, I'm looking forward to hearing about this new chapter in these critters' lives while it's a bitter sweet end to another chapter in ours.

I recently saw an article in Readers Digest on what it would be like if teens ruled the country.  The article even suggested that adults might like it!  I was reminded of that this morning, when my 5 year old got up (at 7am, as usual), and I was NOT ready to get up at all! I tried to convince him to get back in bed: "It's not time to get up."  "Come snuggle with mommy."  "You look sleepy."  Of course, all of that was to no avail.  Finally, he went off to take care of himself, and I tried to go back to sleep.

One thing is for sure, once my son is awake, he must have my attention. I do admire his efforts to take care of himself, though!  If my little man ran his world, this is what it would look like:

First, he must have food!  Breakfast:  anything he can reach that does not require a bowl or utensil.  Chocolate, crisps, bread, Capri Suns.  Off to a great start!

Activities: that's easy, too.  He is quite skilled at working the DVD player, so in goes a Disney drama of his choice.  Wrapped in a blanket with a bag of crisps and a Capri Sun, let the film roll!  After breakfast is consumed, it's time to play.  Interactive play with the movie is always the best!  Blocks become buildings, airplanes, guns.....whatever is required. There might be some variety throughout the day - a book here, some trampoline time there, even the XBox if he can get past his brother, but that's about it.  Oh, and colouring!  Who needs paper when a table or wall are near!  (Actually, my little guy has never tried that, but I could see it happening without proper motivation not to!)

I was okay with all of that this morning.  Just let me SLEEP!  Fortunately for me, my 5 year old still asks permission for everything.  So, minutes after he left my side, he's back dangling the bag of crisps in my face, a drink in hand, begging to watch a show.  Poor thing!

Before you think bad of me, I will say I did finally get up. (Not that I had a choice!)  Once I'm up, mornings aren't so bad once my little guys' needs are met.  I even get some quite time myself before the rest of my crew is down stairs making their needs know.

One day I will learn to go to bed earlier so waking up isn't such a drag for me and my little one, but for now I will try to enjoy his need of me, no matter the time.  One day he may stop asking, and I'll wish that day had never come.

Inspirations from the Back of the Fridge

Cleaning stuff out can really give you a picture of yourself, if you are willing to look.  That's how I've been feeling this past few weeks.  I've been somewhat busy cleaning things out - the fridge, the garage, my craft supplies, Sunday school material, school books, playroom, closets  Only a few things are done completely, the fridge and the garage, to be exact! Everything else is in process - a process that seems to get slower and slower as the days go by!

It's funny how I started out ready to get the jobs done.  Be harsh!  If unsure, toss it or give it away!  Now, I am looking at things, thinking about things, feeling attached to my stuff again. As I write this, I find myself saying, 'Why?'  I could put most of my stuff in boxes and never see it again, and not miss it one bit!  But, as soon as I see it now, I want it! I can't throw that away, and nobody else would want it, so I must keep it!  Anybody feel my pain?  (NOT for you to answer, hubby!)

Anyway, back to my original thought. A few weeks ago I was cleaning out the fridge, and I said that I felt a blog coming on! As I developed my thoughts, a friend of mine (Hi, Sue!) gave me some great thoughts of hers, which I will share, as well.

The fridge..............I love my fridge.  It's much smaller than my American fridge. This thing of mine is shorter than me! The bottom half is the freezer, and the top is the fridge.  I love it because it is easy to keep clean.  Less room means less food and less stuff to get lost in the back. Yet, as I clean it out, I still find that some good stuff has been pushed to the back and forgotten. Forgotten for what?  The necessities, I'd say - milk, butter, juice, cheese, ketchup (YES! That is a necessity in my house since that is one of my kids' 5 a day!).

Unfortunately, necessities can sometimes block us from seeing the good stuff.  As I cleaned the fridge out, I found the stuff I really wanted pushed to the back and the stuff I thought I wanted but really didn't crowding the good stuff out!  Somehow that is just like my life.  So many times I have a plan, a list of priorities, things I want to do with my kids, and things that I should do for my mental and spiritual well-being.   But soon, I find my time and thoughts are filled up with other stuff.  Stuff that seems important at the time, but yields little fruit in my life, at least not fruit I want to keep!

My friend said that refrigerators themselves remind her of white-washed tombs.  They are all shiny and clean on the outside but cold, dead, and literally frozen in some parts on the inside.  And the light!  Think about that light!  You know, the light you see when you open the door.  As I gaze into my fridge it seems like that light has always been on, but actually is it always OFF!  It only comes on when it's being examined!  Oh, how I hope my light is not only on when I am being examined!

So, as I clean out my stuff, I will clean out the junk in my heart and mind, as well.  I believe as I put things right inside myself, it will be easier to let go of the things of this world, and get back to what is really important: my God, my Family, my Light. The Catholics have a saying, "Cleanliness is close to godliness."  In many ways, I'd say that is true. (That's for another day!)  But I'm more interested in what God has to say, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father, which is in heaven."  Matthew 5:16  For my light to shine bright, I must get the junk out of the way!  It's time to get busy!

Birthday Blast

Another busy week, but this time full of celebration and fun!  This past week has been the annual celebration of my children's birthdays.  My youngest, Dakota (born March 15, 2005, at 4:30pm, weighing 5lbs 5oz) just celebrated his 5th birthday.  We had a wonderful day of celebration: pancakes for breakfast (Dak's favourite), made gluten free cup cakes (that was an experience) for nursery, and then, the highlight of the day, a party at McDonald's.  That was the best for both of us.  Dak's friends, a semi-sound proof room, fun food, and someone else to run the games and clean up the mess!  I got to enjoy the smiles and laughter, and the other moms, while the kids had a great time partying.  I highly recommend it!  All of a sudden, my new 5 year old seems taller, speakers clearer, and acts, well, older.  My little man is growing up.

My oldest son, Damian Jr (born March 21, 1997, at 12:21am, weighing 8lbs 10oz.) turned 13 yesterday.  Damian was blessed with a Sunday birthday and celebrations that lasted all weekend long:  birthday cake at Friday teen night, paintball and party with friends on Saturday, and Sunday, THE DAY, great weather, more good cake, and a successful football match.  I got exhaustion, which rightly reminded me of his wonderful entry into this world! I am now the mother of a teenager again, and I think it's going to be fun!

Today, is the climax of birthdays for me, for today is my oldest child's birthday.  Dana Joyce, my only daughter, was born on March 22, 1988, at 6:58am, weighing 8lbs 3oz.  I was 20 years old.  That day changed my life forever.  I discovered unconditional love, a purpose in life, someone more important to me than me. Life was hard. Life was full. Life was good. Dana's birth, life, saved me from myself, saved me when I didn't know I needed saving.  What could have been a devastating event in my life became the turning point I needed to send me in the right direction.

You see, raising Dana reminded me of how I was raised - in church. After Dana was born, I had her dedicated in my brother's Christian church.  I attended off and on, but as Dana got older, I started to realize that Dana needed more than just an occasional religion, and so did I.  By the time Dana was 4, we were regularly attending church.  I didn't surrender to the Lord, allowing Him to ultimately save me, for several years, but this was the begin of the path that has lead me to who I am today.  I am so thankful that God can take our 'mistakes' and turn them into victories for Him and us!

Happy birthday, my precious children: Dana, Damian, and Dakota. March is a good month for us!

The Student Has Become the Teacher

We went to Manchester last Sunday to visit a couple of churches that had invited my husband to preach.  Unsure of what our meals would be like during the day, I told my boys that we may have McDonald's later.  After two meetings and various food offerings between services, we headed back on our two hour drive home. We weren't on the road long before my boys were hungry for a real meal, so we stopped at a service area for some grub.  There was a Burger King there, which is quite a treat, since we do not have a Burger King anywhere near our house.  The boys happily ate their burgers and fries as we got back on the road. Unfortunately, it wasn't long before we passed a McDonald's.  Upon seeing this, my little man says, "Hey, we didn't go to McDonald's yet."  I casually reminded him that we had Burger King instead, and they are just alike. With great enthusiasm and clear pronunciation, my near five year old says, Burger King is NOT like McDonalds........it's called Burr-Grrrr  KinnG!

Mourning Joy

You may think I've made a spelling error in that title. However, this oxymoron is exactly what is on my mind today. The second Beatitude is: "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted."  The many times I have read this verse, I have often thought this type of mourning was over loss, death, a deep sadness of something that has happened. These experiences do bring mourning, and God is the ultimate source of comfort.  So, it makes sense (human sense) that that is what Jesus is speaking of.  However, upon further examination of the scriptures, I have again been reminded that God is revealing so much more than our shallow analysis/interpretation of His Word.

As I teach my children, I occasionally get to see that look of understanding. You know that look, that feeling when the light bulb comes on?  I love that feeling!  Not just to see it in my children, but to experience it myself.  To truly understand something for the first time, profound or not, is such a joy to me!  As I have delved into this blessed statement, the light bulb has come on.

As I began my study of the second Beatitude, I was a bit surprised to find myself reading one of my favourite stories in the Bible:  Luke 7:36-50.  As you read it, you will find that this is the story of the (sinful) woman who came to Jesus, weeping and washing His feet with her tears.  The religious crowd questioned (in there thoughts alone!) this woman's actions, and even more so, Jesus allowing this.  Of course, everyone loves the part where Jesus puts those hypocritical Pharisees in there place.  To our shame, we fail to see that we have become the Pharisees.

As I talked this through with the ladies in my Monday night Bible study, it became clear to us how we have become inoculated to the effect of our sin. We know we shouldn't lie, be unkind, say inappropriate things. Yet, it has gotten so easy to tell that half truth, ignore the less-fortunate, laugh at things of this world. One of my ladies said through watery eyes, I want my heart to break over the things that break God's heart. That is true mourning!  Not mourning over the sad things that happen to us (not that we shouldn't mourn over the losses and hurts in our life), but this type of mourning is weeping over the hurt we cause the holy and just God of the universe.  Our sin, the choices we make that are in rebellion against our Creator and should-be God, that is what we should really be mourning over. This is not a one time event, but a continual awareness of what sin is, when we do it, and what to do about it.  Oh, that I would not grow comfortable with that which separates me from my God!

Even more wonderful to me was to see, for the first time, that the order of the Beatitudes is exactly that! Jesus spoke these blessed statements in a specific order.  They build upon one another to give a picture, just like everything else God does!  For you cannot truly mourn your sin until you are truly poor in spirit.  II Corinthians 7:10 says,  "For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death."

Again, my children have helped me understand these two types of sorrow. Have you even heard a kid say 'I'm sorry', but in their mind you knew they also said 'only because I have to be!'  That is worldly sorrow: to only be sorry because you got caught.  Godly sorrow, however, comes from God, from seeing things from God's perspective.  Once we have seen ourselves from God's perspective (to be poor in spirit) we are finally free to mourn over that sin which breaks the heart of God.

Then mourning joy become a reality.  For the truth is that the blessedness doesn't come in the mourning, but as a result of the mourning!  Once we are poor in spirit, we WILL mourn over sin (our sin, the church's sin, the sin of the world), and from that mourning, God will give comfort! What better comfort is there than to know you are forgiven!  I John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness."  Then the God of all comfort will wrap His arms around a sorrowful soul, and give the peace that passeth all understanding.  Praise the Lord!

How wonderful to know that God knows what we really need, and if we will humble ourselves, He will do it! Now my desire is for these blessed beatitudes to be a reality in my life.  May we each experience real JOY and peace today as we humble ourselves before our Mighty and Loving God.

Meet the Pioneer Woman and the Apple Cider Mill

Hi, dear friends.  My, how I've missed you!  This past week has been a whirlwind, every day greeting me with a different pile of stuff.  Of course, making all my appointments for the same week was not the best idea. But, now that my hair is done, my eyes have been check (with still no way to clear up this blurry vision!), tutoring completed, date night sadly over, church cleaned and decorated for our ladies tea, ladies tea over, church cleaned again, and a long day trip to Manchester, (not to mention the other things I had to do to get all the above accomplished), I finally feel like I can breathe again.

It's not like I haven't had busy weeks before, but somehow, last week seemed busier, more chaotic, and in the end, not as rewarding. Sometimes, I look back and feel like I've just been doing stuff.  Last week was one of those weeks.  I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I actually missed my house-bound days of doing lessons, cleaning the kitchen ten times a day, and hanging out with my kids and hubby.  It doesn't sound like much, but those are really my most productive days!

This morning has been particularly lazy for me, and I feel no shame in that!  I've played all six of my Lexulous games on Facebook (so, if I'm playing you, go make your move!), had a chat with a friend (Hi, Jane!) and even did my Bible study this morning (which is an accomplishment, since lately, I've been doing it whenever).  So, even in this lazy state I find myself in, I feel like I have been productive.

After feeling satisfied that life was levelling off, I decided it was time to write.  But, before I could write, I needed to read.  So, I took a look at a couple of blogs that I like to follow and have now decided to share them with you.

One is the Apple Cider Mill.  If you have checked out this blog, you might find it strange that I follow it, seeing how the young woman who writes it is a devout Catholic.  Of course, I don't agree with everything I read, however, I have found that I can learn something from this precious one who's sole desire is to care for her family and home to the best of her ability.  Lately, she has been doing a lot of writing on spring cleaning (see older posts - March 2).  After I got past my own feelings of laziness and shame, I realized it was time to get busy taking care of my home a little better.  If you have the courage, I challenge you to take a look at this valuable blog for some inspiration and direction.  I've definitely been inspired and my family will be blessed for it.

Another blog I love is the Pioneer Woman.  I am sure that with one look you will be hooked, too!  City slicker gone pioneer wife.......good stuff! She calls her home schooled kids punks and her hubby is definiitely the Marlboro Man!  Ree is always good for a laugh, a great recipe, and some clarity of thought when my mind is bogged down by the clutter of my own thoughts.  I hope you find a few minutes to check it out and enjoy a laugh.

As for me, I'm off to teach my kids something and hopefully, learn something myself!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

This morning, my little man greeted me with the words, "It snowed again!" I went to the window to see what he was talking about and found that the roofs were covered with frost.  I then proceed to tell my excited son that it wasn't snow but indeed another cold, glistening covering on the earth. Quite indignantly, he tells me it is NOT frost.  It is white on the houses and the grass, so it has to be snow. This determined child of mine would not accept my explanation. Finally, I explained to him the only fact that really mattered at that moment.....I am the adult who knows things, you are the child that needs to listen and learn! Of course, I used a few more words with a bit more patience, but you get the point! He did too, although, he still wasn't very impressed!

This conversation brought me back to the first Beatitude...poverty of spirit. What a peculiar statement that is to me, to be poor in spirit. I've heard different explanations of this phrase over the years, but my current study has really made me focus and think. You see, Jesus says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs in the kingdom of heaven." Jesus is quite literally speaking of our way into heaven! This 'poor in spirit' is not something we can do, it is something we must be. Oh, the joy and satisfaction once understanding and acceptance meet!

You see, the natural man does not possess or demonstrate any poverty of spirit!  We are quite full of spirit!  Our own spirit. Demanding our own way. Pushing our way through to what we want. Complaining when things don't go our way. Pointing our finger at God in mockery without shame. This natural state of man is so easy to see. If you've spent any amount of time with children, you know what I mean.  You do not have to teach a child to do wrong. It comes naturally. Children have to be taught to respect authority, to surrender their will and obey.

I hate to admit it, but this reminds me of something else.  My husband and boys love to wrestle, and the fun is never over until somebody gets hurt. Of course, as a mother, it drives me crazy! My boys always go back for more, hoping to best their dad, but you see, Dad will not be beat.  As a matter of fact, their father is sure to pin then down until they 'cry uncle.' He will not accept 'the cry' unless he is certain it is sincere. (HUSBAND: As proof-reader, I simply would like to say their surrender must be sincere, not their cry.) My boys must completely give up, humble themselves, admitting complete defeat to their 'mighty father', before dad will let them go. Once they get to that point, I'd say they are demonstrating poverty of spirit: the will to fight or resist is now gone because they realize dad is 'the man!'

The same is true for us. Poverty of spirit can only come once we realize who God is. One glimpse of God in all His glory and majesty will cause us to see who we are, or should I say, who we are not! To finally and completely bend our will and way to the Lord, that is poverty of spirit. Only then will you truly surrender to THE Almighty Father, receiving His divine spirit, salvation, and eternal life......in Heaven!  Hallelujah!
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

From Milk to Meat: Time to Start Chewing!

I feel like it's been forever since I last wrote.   Friday, I had something to say, but never had time to say it.  Saturday came with a new topic at my fingertips, but again, no time to sit and think.  Today, again, things have been whirling around inside my head.  This time, it is a topic that's been on my mind awhile because it's something I've been studying awhile.  So, although this will take a few sittings to complete, here I sit at 11pm on a Sunday night putting 'pen to paper' trying to get a start.

Three times a year my church ladies and I do a Bible study together. Our little group has grown to ten and not all the ladies are members of our church. One is a fellow home school mom who I met one day on a walk. Seeing this woman with her non-uniformed children and her denim skirt, I felt compelled to stop and talk to this stranger who has now become a friend and fellow Bible student. Another is the sister-in-law of a faithful member of our church and Bible study classes. It turns out this sweet one goes to one of our sister churches, about 40 minutes away. We also have another precious soul coming along to learn; soon to be a born again believer, I pray.

Currently, we are on week six of a wonderful study through the Beatitudes. Such a familiar passage to many, yet, not truly understood or heeded; for as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. To think of having contempt for God's word is unthinkable. However, as I have been studying this passage of scripture, I find that this can easily be so. Not because we want to disregard or devalue what is being taught but because, out of familiarity, we fail to understand what Jesus is really saying. What does Jesus mean by "poor in spirit?"  What is this "mourning" all about?  What is real "meekness" and how do we get it? How can we "hunger and thirst after righteousness" when we don't truly understand what it means to be hungry or thirsty?  This is were we are in our study. Throughout the week, I will expound on these topics and the insight I have gained from this study. In the meantime, I hope you will consider the questions above. Here is the rest of this familiar portion of scripture for your consideration, contemplation, and edification.

Matthew 5:3-12
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for the shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Being Mrs Pickett Has It's Privileges

It seems like everybody knows my husband.  If you've met him, you definitely couldn't forget him.  Most people love him.  Some people aren't so sure.  Others pitty me.  (Sorry, Dear, but it's true.)  But I'm here to tell you that being Mrs. Pickett has its privileges!

Mr. Pickett has been sick for three days now.  Of course, this has its effect on the whole family.  Especially me.  You might be thinking of all the whining I must endure.  (It really hasn't been too bad this time.)  I've also heard the phrase, 'you have three boys,' more than once, and this often does seem true.  Yet, the biggest thing for me this week has been that I've had to be HIM and ME.   What a difference that has made!  

On Monday, I got to get lost in the grocery store again (not because HE would get lost, but because he does all the grocery shopping!).   Next, I got to do the laundry. (A real chore for me, since my hubby does that, too!)  Then, I got to go to the bank and post office (another one of his pleasures.).

I must say, that was the best part of the day.  A matter of fact, that was the inspiration for this hubby praise session.  You see, my man asked me to go to the bank.  Not the one in town, but the new little branch he'd discovered that is closer, faster.  After he reminds me how to make a deposit in the UK (pitiful, I know), I set off to do yet another one of his tasks.  Upon entering the bank, I stopped at the counter to fill in the deposit form.  Although my hubby has reminded me what to do, I am still unsure (because I NEVER go to the bank).  So, I go to the teller, seeking affirmation.  As the teller is looking the slip over, she says to me, "I haven't seen YOU for a while."  Of course, I'm thinking she may NEVER have seen ME before, especially since this is my first time in this branch.  Interrupting my thoughts, she says, "I think it's been about five years, when I worked at the bank in Cannock."  I laugh and said, "It's probably been that long since I've gone to the bank!  This is my husband's job."  Then she and the lady next to her look at each other, and say, "We know! (hee hee) Tell Mr. Pickett we said hello!"  That really tickled me. I'm sure the only reason they recognized me was because of him, and that's alright with me!

Thank you, hubby!  You're the best.  Now get better so you can get back to your stuff! :)