Summer Lesson #2 - Me and My Children

I've always wanted children, and now that I have them, I love them very much.  I'd have more children if I could (and believe me, I've tried!).  From the moment I'm aware of their existence inside me, I can hardly wait to see their little faces and hold them close in my arms.  Each child is a new and exciting experience.  Pregnancies are different, births are different, and personalities are quite readily apparent, and yes, different.

My children are spread out in age (22, 13, 5). So, as I've ages and grown both spiritually and in maturity, they  have each been raised a little differently, too. This has become painfully apparent to me, thus I feel the need to expound/confess my thoughts on how I've raised my children before I express my new attitude, understand, freedom, and joy at this point in my parenthood.

My parenting style with my daughter was established in my twenties.  I was single, independent, and selfish.  Don't get me wrong, I believe I raised her well, but a lot of the decisions I made were for the wrong reason.  Of course, I wasn't a real Christian then, either.  Can you image being raised by someone who thought they were a Christian, were the only way they could prove their Christianity was through having the perfect 'Christian' child? Perfectly behaved, perfectly smart, perfectly raised in what she thought was the Christian way.  I didn't know that was what I was doing, but it was nonetheless. I did a good job at that, too.  Just ask my daughter - with a hint of bitterness, she can give you a list of the do's and don'ts of growing up with her perfectionist, over-zealous, strict,  misguided mother. (Those are my words, not hers!)  Praise God, we have a good relationship today, and she is still in church, desiring to serve the Lord. Hopefully, she will be able to distinguish between the good and the bad of her childhood before her own children come along.  Like it or not, how we are raised does have an impact on the kind of parents we become.

This brings me to my boys.  My thirteen year old was born at the beginning of my 30s.  Married and a little more settled, this should have been a good time for a child.  Unfortunately, I still was not a real Christian.  Life was chaotic and out-of-focus for me.  We were very involved in church and the Christian school, me still striving to be the right kind of Christian mother, without the power within. It wasn't until I recognized my deficiency and surrendered completely to God, that I could see more clearly and things started to change for my family and me.

Now I'm in my forties.  I'm a child of God, desiring to raise my children for the Lord, to love the Lord, to serve the Lord.  My youngest is only five, and I look forward to completely home-education him!  I've desired to raise my children for the Lord, but without a REAL relationship with God, it was doomed. Now, I find this to be an exciting yet challenging task.  For so long, without realizing it, my focus has been on worldly standards.  Whether you homeschool or not, you have heard the world's view and questioning of homeschooling your children - the quality of education, the need for socialization, the concern of sheltering children from the 'real' world.  "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"  That is how those questions use to make me feel.  Of course, you know how it turned out in the Wizard of Oz.  There are worse things to worry about that lions and tigers and bears!

I am so thankful for the advancements in homeschooling and my discover (by way of other wonderful, Christian homeschoolers God has brought across my path) of good curriculum, books, and magazines to help and support our desire to raise our children for the Lord.  This summer I have spent some time reading, and one particle article opened my eyes again to the truth of God's word.

The beautiful Psalms that so many know and love start off quite profoundly with this verse, "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scournful." Psalm 1:1.  This verse alone in good enough reason for me not to send my God-give children to public school.  I know that's just one verse.  I could site others, but why?  God put that one verse there; we should take heed.  I'm taking heed.

At the same time that I rediscovered this verse, our church bulletin likewise had a quote of great profoundness that captured my attention: "I am much afraid that schools will prove to be the great gates of hell unless they diligently labor in explaining the Holy Scriptures and engrave them in the hearts of youth. I advise no one to place his child where the Scriptures do not reign paramount.  Every institution in which men are not increasingly occupied with the Word of God must become corrupt." Martin Luther wrote this of his time - I wonder what he would say to our public and many Christian school today?!

As I start this school year, I am more resolved  than ever that homeschooling is right for me and my kids.  I have no desire for someone else to spend more waking hours with my children than I do, teaching them, influencing them, disciplining them, ignoring them.  I can provide a good, solid education for my children - ensuring that they get the Biblical perspective, not the world's misinterpretation of the world we live in - and I can personalize it to meet my child's needs. I love that!

And socializing.........that is funny!  My daughter and her husband have a sign on their bookshelf that says something like this - school prepares you for the real world which also stinks.  I personally do not know anyone that would go back to high school if they had the chance.  Why would you?  It not like an episode of Glee or High School Music I, II, or III!  For most, it is a heart-wrenching experience of trying to fit in and be accepted by other people who are doing the same thing and making up their own rules of acceptance as they go along. A matter of fact, many parents have told me that they wish they could home school so they didn't have to witness the pain their children experience.  You know what I say to that.......

Recently, I read a Facebook post by a friend's teenage daughter that is homeschooled.  She commented on the fact that many people ask her silly questions once they know she doesn't go to "real school."  A discussion among several people ensued, mostly mother's that homeschool and why they do it.  The comment was made about homeschooling sheltering children from the real world.  The overwhelming concensus was that that is EXACTLY what we want to do!  Children aren't children for long.  They are only young and impressionable for a short period of time.  The last thing we should want to do is expose them to what the world says is the 'real world.'  For Christians, this world is not the real world.  Our real world must be our relationship with God and His Word.  Children, Christian or not, spending hours upon hours in public schools, will be influenced by this ungodly world in their thinking and probably in their actions and life choices, as well.  It is a rare student that can come above this.

Now that I'm on my rant, their is one more thing that I've heard people say that I believe is actually another example of how the Devil uses God's word to deceive Christians who, for lack of understanding their roll as parents, fall into this trap, resulting in the undermining of the good foundation that may have been set.  Some Christian parents have told me that our children need to go to public school to be 'salt and light' to a lost world.  That sounds good on the surface, but in reality, our children need to first grow in the nurture and admonition of the Word of God before they are thrust into the position of being the minority Christian in an anti-Christian world.   There is so much more I could say about this, but I'll leave you to think about it for yourself.

Needless to say, my eyes have been opened to the importance of taking on the education of my children.  It is the right thing to do, for them and for me.  My biggest obstacle is me.  I must daily take time with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.  I need to be corrected and taught  myself before I can impart anything of value to my children.  What is the most important thing for a child/teenager to learn?  Against popular belief, it is NOT the three R's.  If my kids are going to be prepared to live in the 'real world', to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and mind, they need to know that the 'real world' is a world where Jesus Christ reigns supreme.  For without Him, we can do nothing!

I close with the complete thought of Franklin D. Roosevelt that I partially quoted early.  I hope you are inspired to press on and raise your God-given children for the Lord no matter what opposition you face.

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." Franklin D. Roosevelt