What's On My Mind......

Yeah know, change can be a really hard thing.  There's nothing like uprooting yourself, your kids, your life, to go live in another country for a year.  No matter how you try to plan and prepare, nothing can prepare you for the reality of your feelings, your new living conditions, and leaving your 'other life' behind.

When I was a teenager I learned a song that has been playing in my head for the last few weeks.  This is how it goes:

This world is not my home, I'm just a passin' through.

My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.

The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door,

And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

Oh Lord, you know, I have no friend like You!

If Heaven's not my home, then Lord, what would I do?

The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door,

And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

My life is in You, Lord, my strength in you in, Lord, my hope is in you Lord, in You, it's in You.......in You!

Now I have a new song!  I hope God has given you a song to get you through the day.  Praise ye the Lord!

He's an On-Time God, Yes, He Is!

Last Wednesday, I left England to spend a year in America.  Little did I realize on that day, how good God was being to me.  I had stayed up all night, trying to accomplish what I could not.  When the hour for our departure arrived, I was not ready.  An hour later, we left our house for the three hour drive to the airport.  I was exhausted and discouraged with my lack of success in doing all that I desperately wanted to do.  The drive to the airport was long, but I was able to sleep, escaping the flood of emotions I was feeling.

Upon arriving at the airport, we unloaded the van, said our final tearful goodbyes, and headed off on our adventure.  Of course, I focused on the lasts.....my last sunrise, last inhale of English air, my last time saying 'I'm cold' upon walking outside.  Outside, the skies were grey, matching my mood.  Inside, it was quiet, almost peaceful, just what I needed.  My husband and I verbalized our thankfulness to having no lines on checking in, no lines going through security, and no problems finding a place for us to sit together while waiting at our gate.  You would have thought something major had already happened with the lack of chaos at Heathrow.

Things only got better as we embarked.  We noticed lots of empty seats, or I should say rows.  My husband inquired about the situation and found that there were 80 open seats!  How exciting!  As soon as the doors were closed, we were able to spread out, my husband and older son getting a row of seats at the bulkhead all to themselves.  My five year old and I settled down in our own row, ready for a nice nap.

The ten-hour flight was as good as could be expected.  I got a little sleep, watched a show or two, ate some decent food, and arrived safe and sound, and on time.  We easily reclaimed our baggage and made our way to the nearby hotel for a shower and much needed sleep.

Things couldn't have gone any smoother.  It wasn't until the next day that I found out the biggest blessing of all!  Shortly after our flight left England, a volcano erupted in Iceland.  By Thursday morning (less than 24 hours after we left), all flights leaving England had been cancelled due to the ash.  Flights didn't leave England for several days.  Upon hearing this news, I rejoiced at what God had done for me!  I can't image how I would have felt if our flight had been cancelled, with no promise of when we could fly.  I honestly believe that God delivered me from the effects of that unfortunate event, and for that I and truly thankful!  Praise God for His wonderful blessings.......especially the ones we don't even realize!  I am thankful for a God who works for my good, whether I know it or not.  He is always there, He always cares, He always does what is best for me!

The Goodbyes Begin

Yesterday was the official beginning of the end for me.
We gave our gerbils away.

I still remember the day we got them. It was Christmas 2007. Dana was here with Ray, soon to be engaged. The boys had been given Christmas money, and Damian Jr. decided he wanted an indoor pet. So gerbils it was.

At our local pet store you can purchase 'new' gerbils or adopt some that were brought back for a donation.  We decided to adopt and picked four little grey brothers.  They were so cute!  Damian named them after the characters in the Hobbit. We set them up in the boys' bedroom. Of course, that didn't last long since gerbils are noctural!

The care of the gerbils, cleaning of the cage was the sole responsibility of Damian and me. That was always the best time to hold them and watch them play. This became our little ritual almost every week.  Occasionally, a gerbil would escape the playground and run for it! Even that was fun, trying to catch the gerbil before he tumbled down the stairs! There were no major incidents until the next summer.

Every summer, Damian Jr. goes away for a week of camp. Before he left, we cleaned out the cage, making my only responsibility to keep them fed until his return. I did just that. Everyday I'd go check on them.  I always saw little grey things running around, coming out for food. Everything seemed fine to me.  When Damian came home, he looked at his gerbils and said, why are there only three?  I had no idea what he was talking about. Opening the cage, we discovered that one of the gerbils had died in a tunnel accident!  I felt so bad!

After a little mourning, Damian moved on, even changing their names to the Three Musketeers!  Little did I know that their names would continue to change!

As time went on, I found myself more and more being the only caregiver. Sometimes I was ok with this.  Other times, I was ready to give them away!  A few months ago, I discussed this with Damian.  He confessed that he had grown bored with the gerbils and didn't want them any more. When Dakota heard this, he immediately said, 'I want them!' And indeed, I knew he did. He had become my new little helper! Those poor gerbils had more playtime than they wanted, I'm sure. When asked what their names were, Dak simply said, 'Damian, Chris, and Steve!' Those are names with great meaning for him:  Damian, his brother and all-time hero, Steve, our youth pastor and Dak's  favourite sitter, and Chris, our music director and Dakota's favourite play thing!

Things, again, were going fine.  I myself was tired of the extra bit of work of caring for these little creatures, but it was always worth it when I saw the joy on Dakota's face.  He really loved those gerbils.

As the time for our departure drew near, I started asking around to find a new home for them. With only a few weeks left, I felt confident that another family would have the privilege of watching and caring for our pets. Then, one Sunday evening, my husband told me that another gerbil had died. I knew this time that he had just perished, for I had seen all three of them that morning. Now, old age was setting in, and I wondered if in fact anyone else would even want them.

Fortunately, my friend did still want them for however long they have left.  We gave the cage one last clean, and took the gerbils to their new home and family yesterday.  The children were so excited!  When my friend asked what their names are, I told them the story of the changing names, suggesting that they come up with names of their own.  They happily agreed.  Now, I'm looking forward to hearing about this new chapter in these critters' lives while it's a bitter sweet end to another chapter in ours.

I recently saw an article in Readers Digest on what it would be like if teens ruled the country.  The article even suggested that adults might like it!  I was reminded of that this morning, when my 5 year old got up (at 7am, as usual), and I was NOT ready to get up at all! I tried to convince him to get back in bed: "It's not time to get up."  "Come snuggle with mommy."  "You look sleepy."  Of course, all of that was to no avail.  Finally, he went off to take care of himself, and I tried to go back to sleep.

One thing is for sure, once my son is awake, he must have my attention. I do admire his efforts to take care of himself, though!  If my little man ran his world, this is what it would look like:

First, he must have food!  Breakfast:  anything he can reach that does not require a bowl or utensil.  Chocolate, crisps, bread, Capri Suns.  Off to a great start!

Activities: that's easy, too.  He is quite skilled at working the DVD player, so in goes a Disney drama of his choice.  Wrapped in a blanket with a bag of crisps and a Capri Sun, let the film roll!  After breakfast is consumed, it's time to play.  Interactive play with the movie is always the best!  Blocks become buildings, airplanes, guns.....whatever is required. There might be some variety throughout the day - a book here, some trampoline time there, even the XBox if he can get past his brother, but that's about it.  Oh, and colouring!  Who needs paper when a table or wall are near!  (Actually, my little guy has never tried that, but I could see it happening without proper motivation not to!)

I was okay with all of that this morning.  Just let me SLEEP!  Fortunately for me, my 5 year old still asks permission for everything.  So, minutes after he left my side, he's back dangling the bag of crisps in my face, a drink in hand, begging to watch a show.  Poor thing!

Before you think bad of me, I will say I did finally get up. (Not that I had a choice!)  Once I'm up, mornings aren't so bad once my little guys' needs are met.  I even get some quite time myself before the rest of my crew is down stairs making their needs know.

One day I will learn to go to bed earlier so waking up isn't such a drag for me and my little one, but for now I will try to enjoy his need of me, no matter the time.  One day he may stop asking, and I'll wish that day had never come.