The Law of Kindness

Last Saturday I had the opportunity to participate in a Living Proof Simulcast. I must say that I was very disappointed, even distracted by the 'worship music,' but Beth Moore is still Beth Moore, and I enjoyed her teaching very much.

The topic she spoke on is very interesting to me, especially since it has come to my attention quite a few times over the last couple of weeks. Our verse for the day was Proverbs 31:26, "She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness." From that verse we explored eight 'tastes of biblical kindness.' I found this to be both encouraging and challenging, and I hope it is for you, as well.

I have been acutely aware of the fact that we live in a self-centered, uncaring world. I've noticed it in public places while watching parents interact with their children. I've noticed it in my own children and the way they interact with each other.  I've noticed it in myself, especially when I am tired or feel like I've had enough. I've even witnessed it in the church and the way Christians respond to people in need. We are no longer people prone to words of kindness, let alone acts of kindness.

These are the thoughts I had as Beth proceed to tell why she felt this was a worthy topic for today. "Why should we study this?" She asked. First of all, because we live in a mean world. Just one look around, and we can each see that this is true. II Timothy 3 tells us it is only going to get worse. Secondly, because the scripture says, "She openeth her mouth!" Women are going to talk! One thing Beth pointed out is the fact that we are published authors: blogging, facebooking, texting, commenting.... all this done without an editor!  We need the Holy Spirit to be our editor. Oh, how I know this to be true.

So, our first taste of biblical kindness is this: Kindness is NOT weakness. In Luke 6:35-36, Jesus tells us to love our enemies, to do good to those who don't even appreciate it. It definitely takes a lot of strength to do that! Beth explained the difference between being NICE and being KIND. Nice is when you act towards others without knowing everything there is to know. Kindness is being fully aware of a person's ingratitude, unthankfulness, evil ways, and still making a conscious decision to be kind.

Taste #2 - Kindness is NOT an action. It's a disposition. It's not what we do so much as who we are. This is the kindness that is a fruit of the spirit, found in Galatians 5:22-23. Real biblical kindness cannot be faked. It must be who we are.

Taste #3 - Kindness wears down when you do. Isn't that the truth! Daniel 7:25. Satan wants to wear us down.  When you get to the point of losing it, at first it blesses your flesh. Then things only get worse. What's the answer? Matthew 11:28-30. Jesus says come unto Him all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and HE will give you rest. True rest can only come from the Lord. We also need to be built up! We need to have a couple of close Christian friends to help build us up. People we can be honest with, be accountable to, receive encouragement from (Ephesians 4:12,16, 29). We need the body of Christ to build us up! We need to do it for others and let them do it for us.

Taste #4 - Kindness looks pain in the face. We are surrounded by people in pain. It is often easier to look away. Kindness means not looking away, but looking people in the face and listening. This one really got me. You see, just a couple of days ago I found myself in the laundromat, doing my weekly routine. I noticed an older woman resting her head on a counter nearby. I had been there for over an hour, but never saw her doing any laundry. The more I watched her the more I was overwhelmed with the desire to talk to her and hear her story, but I also knew that I could not help her financially. Just as that thought was passing through my mind, I remembered the disciples saying to a man, "Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give I you." With that, I knew I had to talk to her. And that is exactly what I did. With tears in my eyes, I told her that I couldn't leave without talking to her. She was quite willing to tell me about herself, how over the last couple of years, after some unfortunate events in her life, she found herself homeless, living from shelter to shelter, struggling to get/keep a job. She finally had a job, and just needed to make it another eight days until she got her first pay check. She didn't asking for any handouts. She wouldn't even let me buy her lunch. She was just so glad that someone actually cared enough to talk to her. I explained to her who I was and proceeded to give her the Gospel. Tears welled up in her eyes as I spoke. She said she had become a Christian at the age of  20 but had wandered away from the Lord. As we departed, I prayed with her and said I hoped we wound see each other again soon. I wish I had the courage to do that more often.

Taste #5 - Kindness is a Saviour. God does not call us to save others but to introduce them to the Saviour, Jesus Christ. He has saved us, not just from Hell but from ourselves.  Jesus was kindness in the flesh, and that's what we need to be to others. Real kindness is telling others about the Lord, no matter how hard it might be.

Taste #6 - Kindness has good memory. Psalm 106:7. The Israelites often forgot the goodness of God. We need to have good memory of what the Lord had done for us.

Taste #7 - Kindness craves an outlet. II Samuel 9:1. David, once the shepherd boy, now as king, is looking for someone to show kindness to. Why? Because he knows the kindness of God! Just like David, we need to look for opportunities to show kindness to those who need it.

Taste #8 - Kindness leaves a legacy. Acts 28:1-2. The natives of Malta showed unusual kindness to Paul and his crew after they were shipwrecked. Even today, a survey showed that 83% of the people of Malta give to charities. These people have a legacy of kindness that continues on today. How much more should God's people pass on this kind of legacy to their children. What kind of legacy am I passing down? This is the question I was left with, and this is the question I leave with you. May we show kindness to someone today.

Happy New Day!

When I logged on this morning I noticed that I had only written two summer lessons.  I knew I had a top three list of things I learned this summer, and yet I thought I had written the important things down.  As I reread my last blog, I realized that I had written about two in one - my children and homeschooling.  Of course, it does make sense that those two go together, but in my 'ranting' I didn't realize how much I had covered!  Now I've learned something else, it's good to write!  It's good to look back, remembering where you've been.  It's good to see that you are not standing still..........and not going backwards!

After the day and night I just had, I'm thankful for a new morning.  A chance to do what I didn't do yesterday. A chance to focus on the right things. A chance to enjoy my children more. A chance to love a little more, play a little more, talk a little more. I'm going to make the most of whatever the Lord gives me today.

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Summer Lesson #2 - Me and My Children

I've always wanted children, and now that I have them, I love them very much.  I'd have more children if I could (and believe me, I've tried!).  From the moment I'm aware of their existence inside me, I can hardly wait to see their little faces and hold them close in my arms.  Each child is a new and exciting experience.  Pregnancies are different, births are different, and personalities are quite readily apparent, and yes, different.

My children are spread out in age (22, 13, 5). So, as I've ages and grown both spiritually and in maturity, they  have each been raised a little differently, too. This has become painfully apparent to me, thus I feel the need to expound/confess my thoughts on how I've raised my children before I express my new attitude, understand, freedom, and joy at this point in my parenthood.

My parenting style with my daughter was established in my twenties.  I was single, independent, and selfish.  Don't get me wrong, I believe I raised her well, but a lot of the decisions I made were for the wrong reason.  Of course, I wasn't a real Christian then, either.  Can you image being raised by someone who thought they were a Christian, were the only way they could prove their Christianity was through having the perfect 'Christian' child? Perfectly behaved, perfectly smart, perfectly raised in what she thought was the Christian way.  I didn't know that was what I was doing, but it was nonetheless. I did a good job at that, too.  Just ask my daughter - with a hint of bitterness, she can give you a list of the do's and don'ts of growing up with her perfectionist, over-zealous, strict,  misguided mother. (Those are my words, not hers!)  Praise God, we have a good relationship today, and she is still in church, desiring to serve the Lord. Hopefully, she will be able to distinguish between the good and the bad of her childhood before her own children come along.  Like it or not, how we are raised does have an impact on the kind of parents we become.

This brings me to my boys.  My thirteen year old was born at the beginning of my 30s.  Married and a little more settled, this should have been a good time for a child.  Unfortunately, I still was not a real Christian.  Life was chaotic and out-of-focus for me.  We were very involved in church and the Christian school, me still striving to be the right kind of Christian mother, without the power within. It wasn't until I recognized my deficiency and surrendered completely to God, that I could see more clearly and things started to change for my family and me.

Now I'm in my forties.  I'm a child of God, desiring to raise my children for the Lord, to love the Lord, to serve the Lord.  My youngest is only five, and I look forward to completely home-education him!  I've desired to raise my children for the Lord, but without a REAL relationship with God, it was doomed. Now, I find this to be an exciting yet challenging task.  For so long, without realizing it, my focus has been on worldly standards.  Whether you homeschool or not, you have heard the world's view and questioning of homeschooling your children - the quality of education, the need for socialization, the concern of sheltering children from the 'real' world.  "Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!"  That is how those questions use to make me feel.  Of course, you know how it turned out in the Wizard of Oz.  There are worse things to worry about that lions and tigers and bears!

I am so thankful for the advancements in homeschooling and my discover (by way of other wonderful, Christian homeschoolers God has brought across my path) of good curriculum, books, and magazines to help and support our desire to raise our children for the Lord.  This summer I have spent some time reading, and one particle article opened my eyes again to the truth of God's word.

The beautiful Psalms that so many know and love start off quite profoundly with this verse, "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scournful." Psalm 1:1.  This verse alone in good enough reason for me not to send my God-give children to public school.  I know that's just one verse.  I could site others, but why?  God put that one verse there; we should take heed.  I'm taking heed.

At the same time that I rediscovered this verse, our church bulletin likewise had a quote of great profoundness that captured my attention: "I am much afraid that schools will prove to be the great gates of hell unless they diligently labor in explaining the Holy Scriptures and engrave them in the hearts of youth. I advise no one to place his child where the Scriptures do not reign paramount.  Every institution in which men are not increasingly occupied with the Word of God must become corrupt." Martin Luther wrote this of his time - I wonder what he would say to our public and many Christian school today?!

As I start this school year, I am more resolved  than ever that homeschooling is right for me and my kids.  I have no desire for someone else to spend more waking hours with my children than I do, teaching them, influencing them, disciplining them, ignoring them.  I can provide a good, solid education for my children - ensuring that they get the Biblical perspective, not the world's misinterpretation of the world we live in - and I can personalize it to meet my child's needs. I love that!

And socializing.........that is funny!  My daughter and her husband have a sign on their bookshelf that says something like this - school prepares you for the real world which also stinks.  I personally do not know anyone that would go back to high school if they had the chance.  Why would you?  It not like an episode of Glee or High School Music I, II, or III!  For most, it is a heart-wrenching experience of trying to fit in and be accepted by other people who are doing the same thing and making up their own rules of acceptance as they go along. A matter of fact, many parents have told me that they wish they could home school so they didn't have to witness the pain their children experience.  You know what I say to that.......

Recently, I read a Facebook post by a friend's teenage daughter that is homeschooled.  She commented on the fact that many people ask her silly questions once they know she doesn't go to "real school."  A discussion among several people ensued, mostly mother's that homeschool and why they do it.  The comment was made about homeschooling sheltering children from the real world.  The overwhelming concensus was that that is EXACTLY what we want to do!  Children aren't children for long.  They are only young and impressionable for a short period of time.  The last thing we should want to do is expose them to what the world says is the 'real world.'  For Christians, this world is not the real world.  Our real world must be our relationship with God and His Word.  Children, Christian or not, spending hours upon hours in public schools, will be influenced by this ungodly world in their thinking and probably in their actions and life choices, as well.  It is a rare student that can come above this.

Now that I'm on my rant, their is one more thing that I've heard people say that I believe is actually another example of how the Devil uses God's word to deceive Christians who, for lack of understanding their roll as parents, fall into this trap, resulting in the undermining of the good foundation that may have been set.  Some Christian parents have told me that our children need to go to public school to be 'salt and light' to a lost world.  That sounds good on the surface, but in reality, our children need to first grow in the nurture and admonition of the Word of God before they are thrust into the position of being the minority Christian in an anti-Christian world.   There is so much more I could say about this, but I'll leave you to think about it for yourself.

Needless to say, my eyes have been opened to the importance of taking on the education of my children.  It is the right thing to do, for them and for me.  My biggest obstacle is me.  I must daily take time with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.  I need to be corrected and taught  myself before I can impart anything of value to my children.  What is the most important thing for a child/teenager to learn?  Against popular belief, it is NOT the three R's.  If my kids are going to be prepared to live in the 'real world', to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and mind, they need to know that the 'real world' is a world where Jesus Christ reigns supreme.  For without Him, we can do nothing!

I close with the complete thought of Franklin D. Roosevelt that I partially quoted early.  I hope you are inspired to press on and raise your God-given children for the Lord no matter what opposition you face.

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." Franklin D. Roosevelt

Summer Lesson #1 - What To do? What to do?

The one thing I've missed the most while living in England has been my mother.  Except for two years of my life, my mother has always been close by.  I have enjoyed dropping by my mother's house for a chat and a short visit, having holidays together, birthdays, special things at church and school.  My oldest child knows the pleasure of living close to Grandma, sleeping at Grandma's, reading with Grandma, just being with Grandma.  So, when I knew we would be coming back to the States for an extended period of time, I had great expectations of our time with my mom.  I even put off having my five year old read his first sentence with me, anxious for him to do that with Grandma like my other two children had done.

In April we packed our bags for our year long journey, sad to leave our home and friends in England, but thrilled to reunite with family and friends in America.  I especially was excited because I had been preparing a party for my mother's 80th birthday.  I couldn't wait to celebrate and honor my precious mom.

My mother was also thrilled about our return, but she did try to warn me of the chaotic situation she found herself in.  I thought I understood, but words cannot always express and reveal what eyes can see!

Needless to say, my mother had not been doing well.  I came home to find her quite ill, needing my help and attention.  We did have her birthday celebrating, and just in time.  For just a few days later, my mother was in the hospital.  This was the beginning of weeks of recovery from viruses and ill health.  The good thing about all of this is that I was free to spend most of the summer with my mom, which is exactly what we both needed.  My mom needed someone who was willing and able to do what she could not.  I needed to see what was going on with my mom and try to fix it.  And try to fix it I did!

My mom was in and out of the hospital a couple of times during the summer, getting stronger all the time.  I was so glad to see her improving, yet still concerned about what to do.  Things were getting better but we weren't getting all the answers we needed, and other situations with family were not getting resolved either - situations that are a source of great mental stress for my mom.

What to do?  What to do?  I was plagued with this thinking day and night.  I prayed and prayed for God to show us the answer, to work things out quickly, to heal my mom.  I could find nothing else to do, and this really bothered me.

I don't know when or how it happened, but one day, I woke up and realized there was nothing for me to do!  Nothing.  This is just the way it is. I've done all I can do.  The doctors are doing all they can do.  The rest are choices that people have made and have to live with.  I may not like it, but this is the way it is.  This single thought set my eyes on a whole new truth - we are all individuals (even my mom!) with our own choices to make, and with these choices come the reality they bring.  I knew this, but it is different when you apply it to your own mother and family.

Finally, I realized that I had been asking God for a lot but not really depending on Him for His answer.  I wanted my own answer.  My attention had been on the problem, the situation, the circumstances.  Now God was finally getting my full attention.  I was ready to see things His way.  It's funny to me now, because before this point, I thought I WAS seeing things God way!  My own vision had been clouded by what I could see with my eyes, making it impossible for me to see it any other way.

At this same time, my mother was getting independent again, driving herself around, knowing what she wanted to do and doing it.  I missed her dependence on me but was glad she was getting back to her old self again.  This is who my mom is: independent, stubborn, capable.  Eventually, she told me what to do:  leave with my family.  Her permission to leave was all that was left for me to set my sights on my own family again.

Through this time with my mom, God has opened my eyes to the fact that my mom is NOT my responsibility.  I am to love her, help her, support her, pray for her.  I cannot make decisions for her, choices for her, or choose the outcome of those choices.  That is up to God.

God has called me and my family to a special life that requires my separation from the rest of my family, at least physically.  I don't always like it, but I know that I am where God wants me to be.  I know that my earthly home is in England, not where my mother is.  I know there are things I must do in order to get back to England, and that is what we are doing.

I know that I am more than a daughter.  I am a wife.  I am a mother of my own children.  And above all else, I am a child of God who needs to listen and obey her Father.  I am blessed with a mother who understands this and pushes me in that direction, even if she doesn't necessary like where that takes me.

So, today I am thankful.  Thankful for a loving and independent mom, thankful for a patient and loving husband, thankful for children to raise to know the Lord, and thankful for a God who can open my eyes to my limitations and to His limitlessness.  God is more than willing and capable of taking care of my mother, and I'm  now willing to let Him do it.

Eyes to See

I am finally back after a three month hiatus. Not that I needed a break.  It's just that I couldn't write.  I had nothing to say, at least not of any value to you, my friends. I found myself in a strange place, not wanting to say anything more than what I could write on a Facebook post. Now that the fog has cleared, I find that I have learned some things, lots of things, these past twelve weeks.

Let's first go back to the mystery of the key!  I can't believe I never told you the outcome!  I apologize for leaving you hanging. Of course, we did find the key, and thinking back, I'd say that THAT experience was the beginning of my summer lessons from God.

Many people had searched the church and parking lot looking for that key.  Many eyes had peered through the tented windows of the van hoping to discover it's hiding place. Yet, no one could see it.  It took the eyes of a child to see what no one else could see.

As we stood outside the church waiting for the locksmith, my 13 year old son cupped his face to the glass and shouted, "I found the key!"  The key was on the floor of the back seat waiting to be found.  Of course, once we knew where to look, it was easy for all to see, and with seeing came great relief.  Was the problem solved?  Not quite.  But we now had hope and confidence that things would be just fine.

If you recall from my original post, I was confident beforehand that things would work out fine.  Did I know what the outcome would be? No.  But I still had peace in this otherwise frustrating situation.

As I thought about this seemingly minor event in my life, I realized that I could learn something from it.  I wanted to have eyes to see.  I know that I can have peace in the midst of the storm. I get that, but I want to see and understand, too. (Don't we all?!) As the summer went on, God did open my eyes to some important things about being a daughter of an ageing mother, being a mom willing and able to take on the responsibility of teaching her children, being the mother of an adult, how to be at home without a house, and the fragileness of relationships neglected, not nurtured. Like everything else, learning is continual, but God and I have made some good headway in these areas. Over this weekend (I promise!) I will share with you the things that God has opened my eyes to and the new peace I have.  In the meantime, I'm praying that you, my friends, will have peace in your storm and eyes to see HIM!

I Peter 5:7  Casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.