Summer Lesson #1 - What To do? What to do?

The one thing I've missed the most while living in England has been my mother.  Except for two years of my life, my mother has always been close by.  I have enjoyed dropping by my mother's house for a chat and a short visit, having holidays together, birthdays, special things at church and school.  My oldest child knows the pleasure of living close to Grandma, sleeping at Grandma's, reading with Grandma, just being with Grandma.  So, when I knew we would be coming back to the States for an extended period of time, I had great expectations of our time with my mom.  I even put off having my five year old read his first sentence with me, anxious for him to do that with Grandma like my other two children had done.

In April we packed our bags for our year long journey, sad to leave our home and friends in England, but thrilled to reunite with family and friends in America.  I especially was excited because I had been preparing a party for my mother's 80th birthday.  I couldn't wait to celebrate and honor my precious mom.

My mother was also thrilled about our return, but she did try to warn me of the chaotic situation she found herself in.  I thought I understood, but words cannot always express and reveal what eyes can see!

Needless to say, my mother had not been doing well.  I came home to find her quite ill, needing my help and attention.  We did have her birthday celebrating, and just in time.  For just a few days later, my mother was in the hospital.  This was the beginning of weeks of recovery from viruses and ill health.  The good thing about all of this is that I was free to spend most of the summer with my mom, which is exactly what we both needed.  My mom needed someone who was willing and able to do what she could not.  I needed to see what was going on with my mom and try to fix it.  And try to fix it I did!

My mom was in and out of the hospital a couple of times during the summer, getting stronger all the time.  I was so glad to see her improving, yet still concerned about what to do.  Things were getting better but we weren't getting all the answers we needed, and other situations with family were not getting resolved either - situations that are a source of great mental stress for my mom.

What to do?  What to do?  I was plagued with this thinking day and night.  I prayed and prayed for God to show us the answer, to work things out quickly, to heal my mom.  I could find nothing else to do, and this really bothered me.

I don't know when or how it happened, but one day, I woke up and realized there was nothing for me to do!  Nothing.  This is just the way it is. I've done all I can do.  The doctors are doing all they can do.  The rest are choices that people have made and have to live with.  I may not like it, but this is the way it is.  This single thought set my eyes on a whole new truth - we are all individuals (even my mom!) with our own choices to make, and with these choices come the reality they bring.  I knew this, but it is different when you apply it to your own mother and family.

Finally, I realized that I had been asking God for a lot but not really depending on Him for His answer.  I wanted my own answer.  My attention had been on the problem, the situation, the circumstances.  Now God was finally getting my full attention.  I was ready to see things His way.  It's funny to me now, because before this point, I thought I WAS seeing things God way!  My own vision had been clouded by what I could see with my eyes, making it impossible for me to see it any other way.

At this same time, my mother was getting independent again, driving herself around, knowing what she wanted to do and doing it.  I missed her dependence on me but was glad she was getting back to her old self again.  This is who my mom is: independent, stubborn, capable.  Eventually, she told me what to do:  leave with my family.  Her permission to leave was all that was left for me to set my sights on my own family again.

Through this time with my mom, God has opened my eyes to the fact that my mom is NOT my responsibility.  I am to love her, help her, support her, pray for her.  I cannot make decisions for her, choices for her, or choose the outcome of those choices.  That is up to God.

God has called me and my family to a special life that requires my separation from the rest of my family, at least physically.  I don't always like it, but I know that I am where God wants me to be.  I know that my earthly home is in England, not where my mother is.  I know there are things I must do in order to get back to England, and that is what we are doing.

I know that I am more than a daughter.  I am a wife.  I am a mother of my own children.  And above all else, I am a child of God who needs to listen and obey her Father.  I am blessed with a mother who understands this and pushes me in that direction, even if she doesn't necessary like where that takes me.

So, today I am thankful.  Thankful for a loving and independent mom, thankful for a patient and loving husband, thankful for children to raise to know the Lord, and thankful for a God who can open my eyes to my limitations and to His limitlessness.  God is more than willing and capable of taking care of my mother, and I'm  now willing to let Him do it.